Legalization of Homosexuality in Great Britain: Piet’s Story

LONDON, United Kingdom

July 16, 2007 (Monday)

It has been 40 years since homosexuality was been legalized in the United Kingdom. Many activities have been held in London to mark this date. I attended one of these events and was astonished by real life stories of gay men and women. However, there was something else that was very touching – African Children's Choir.

I was jogging on the South bank and witnessed live performance of the African Children's Choir for ITV's morning show. They were AIDS orphans and were singing songs about happy childhood. Onlookers were touched and some even shed a tear. The same choir performed at the American Idol in Hollywood with Josh Groban. It was amazing and I truly admired those kids.

As I noted earlier, it was very nice to listen to stories of homosexuals from around the world. The talk given by a Dutchman, Piet, left me thinking a lot. Piet was a bus driver from Groningen in the Netherlands. Here is his story given in the first person for literary purposes.

"I never thought that this would happen to me. I was born to a loving family and had a happy life until I realized that something was missing from it. I like my job and had several long-term relationships. I met Imran, my former Moroccan boyfriend, on my bus. He asked me to stop near the hospital, where he was working before getting chartered as a doctor. Imran was in his 20s and I was in my 40s then. I did not know whether he was gay but I knew that I will see him again since he took my bus every day.

After a couple of weeks we ran into each other and had a coffee. We started dating despite I was much worried about our differences. Imran was frequent at my place and lived for a month before going back to Amsterdam to finish the medical school. Our relationship was very serious. I always had my insecurities and nobody can convince me that he or she has no insecurities. It was hard and I was worried that one day Imran might find someone else better than me. We exchanged visits and he told me that he cheated on me. I was upset but forgave him. Imran and I visited Casablanca, Fez and Rabat to meet his family and friends. We were very happy.

I was not innocent either. Internet made meeting people easier and I was taking full advantage of it. I was exchanging pictures with different guys while I was still with Imran. Being with Imran made me feel that I could aim for younger and better guys, and I did. I started an online affair with an underage guy. Of course, nobody knew about it. Meanwhile, Imran and I spent all major holidays together and were very happy until I found his agenda book. It was clear that he was meeting with other men. I kind of sensed it all the time since he lived in Amsterdam, was young and very handsome. I was very angry, told him a lot that I regret about now, and cut him off from my life without giving him a chance to explain or start over.

Imran became a neurosurgeon, got a job in Ghent in Belgium and moved on. I thought I got over him. I decided to be single for some time and enjoy it. I had few dates, online flings, visited Czech Republic, Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand. Certainly, I enjoyed my time there and all those guys. I knew from the very beginning why Eastern European and Southeast Asian guys were with me. I was not too naïve with them despite that I had feelings for some of them. After my last trip, I entered my apartment and was struck by its silence and emptiness. That was when I realized that it reflected me.

I thought I was happy but I still came to an empty apartment. Nobody was there to greet me after hard day at work. My heart was still empty. It was becoming more obvious every day. Once I came home drunk from a friend's birthday party. I was alone and there was nobody to take care of me when I was sick, not a soul to talk with or no person to make a coffee or squeeze a juice the next morning. On the other hand, my body was getting older despite my efforts. My sex life worsened with age and I was still alone. I realized that I was lying to myself that I am happy.

I found Imran's work telephone but he was no longer working in Ghent. I really wanted to know how he was. Apparently, he moved to Brussels for work and was engaged to a cardiologist from the same hospital. I was very happy for him. We became friends but I could feel that Imran wanted something from me. I thought he wanted a second chance but I was very wrong. I knew that I owed him an apology for not giving him a chance and being too harsh. Imran wanted an apology. I still wonder how things would have been if we were still together. I guess we will never know until we try.

I am 54 years old now and feel that I am doomed for a prostitute sex. I wanted more than I could afford. My online affair with a teenage boy was discovered by police. I always thought that I still have time and kept believing that everything was fine. In fact, I was blind to see what I had. Only now I realize that everyone is entitled for happiness and a new start. I understand that I am not the same how I was ten years ago. Things will never be the same. True love was missing from my life."

Piet went on and talked about how we should live our lives and take our chances. I was listening to him carefully and it was clear that he was suggesting not to be afraid to start over. I clearly do not want to end up alone at Piet’s age. My biggest fear is solitude in life. His speech ended with this phrase that I have heard before and is still in my head: "Cheap thrills and expensive regrets".

Still thinking,

~ζ