LONDON, United Kingdom
July 25, 2007 (Wednesday)
I had a restless sleep and woke up with huge pain. In the evening I slowly made my way home.
As I entered the apartment, I suddenly burst in tears – tears of sadness. It was not just crying over a chick-flick movie or victims of natural disasters. These were real tears of sorrow. I did not know whom to trouble and have a comforting chat. It simply did not appeal to me to bother others in the late evening on a weekday.
I texted Will, my best friend, and got a nice reply. My Korean friend and I talked, which helped a bit. I hate crying in front of people but this time I could not help. Tears started rolling in my eyes and pouring down my face in front of my Korean friend. Sometimes a mere word of encouragement is enough and means more than anything else. Then phone rang. It was a call from Scandinavia. The conversation was very brief and agreement to talk tomorrow was reached.
I truly hope that tomorrow will be better with more joy. I have to encourage and rely on myself. There is a little time left and then everything will be fine. I just need to be patient and keep trying. I have learned throughout my life that patience is a virtue. I was rewarded not once for being patient and doing my best. Hopefully, my reward will not take long to claim. I have a busy day tomorrow and, at least, that will keep my mind occupied.
With patience,
~ζ
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Smirting and Hot Human Rights Activist
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 23, 2007 (Tuesday)
It all started in Dublin, Ireland, in 2004 when the smoking ban was introduced. Smirting is basically flirting while smoking; it is one of these words like fragmeration from fragmentation and integration. Anyway, I have noticed that so many people are outside bars, cafés and pubs smoking and having fun.
People are using cigarettes as a tool for social networking. Asking for a lighter or a spare cigarette is one of the few pick-up lines. I was smirting with Nathan couple of weeks ago. Here is reminder of that:
"...I was desperate to get home when a hot stud approached me. It was Nathan, American-born half-Norwegian and half-Chinese from Los Angeles. One cigarette turned into many more and we were making out in his hotel suite on the Piccadilly..."
In essence, you have about three minutes to sell yourself during that smoke date, so to say. It is a smoker to smoker pulling and, in a way, the smoking ban turned into a bonus activity for singletons of the capital. The street life livened up and people are chatting with each other rather than acting indecisive indoors.
For those who would like to try smirting, here are few places that could be fun to check out depending on what kind of crowd you like.
Media people usually smirt at The White Horse on Newburgh Street. Gay smirters highly recommend the Rupert Street Bar in Soho. If you are into Australians, New Zealanders or South Africans then The Walkabout in Shepherd's Bush is a good location to flirt while having a fag. For fans of Latin looks, Café Kick on Shoreditch High Street is worth trying. Fashion divas, cinema fans and admirers of architecture are welcome to smirt in Shoreditch House on Ebor Street. If you want to hook up with a City professional, then Le Coq D'Argent in the City is perfect for you. However, you can smirt anywhere as long as there is a potential date and chemistry, and, of course, a cigarette.
Today I have met with Anton. He is a London-based Russian human rights activist. Anton is a very handsome young man with striking dark eyes coupled with intelligence. I guess Mother Russia was generous with some. Our date was somewhat in a Russian-style with laughs, tea and some sweets. He was not too tall but taller than me. It turned out that he had somewhat similar educational and ethnic background as Michael, my former boyfriend in America. Anton's first degree was in Physics and is a Jew. Michael had Bachelor's degree in Mathematics and is Jew as well. Both of them are now in law and human rights. For some reasons, I was always attracted to Jews subconsciously despite I never agreed with Israel's policy towards Palestine.
At some point during our rendezvous I felt like I was on of these reality shows where a bachelor interviews all potential candidates. I thought he was evaluating my looks and me overall. We sat tête-à-tête and I could see some parts of his body. I was satisfied with what I saw. Man, that dark hair, eloquent and flawless Russian speech, his smile and our freedom of press talks were surely checking all the ticks. He was dressed trendy and relaxed; his apartment was very clean and there was a vase full of fresh roses on the table. Matryoshkas, Russian wooden dolls, portraying Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Leonid Brezhnev and Mikhail Gorbachev, caught my attention. Anton is a native of Siberia where my ancestors come from. After a nice afternoon, we gave each other a tight hug (melting) and agreed to meet very soon. I cannot wait to our next meeting.
Happy smirting,
~ζ
July 23, 2007 (Tuesday)
It all started in Dublin, Ireland, in 2004 when the smoking ban was introduced. Smirting is basically flirting while smoking; it is one of these words like fragmeration from fragmentation and integration. Anyway, I have noticed that so many people are outside bars, cafés and pubs smoking and having fun.
People are using cigarettes as a tool for social networking. Asking for a lighter or a spare cigarette is one of the few pick-up lines. I was smirting with Nathan couple of weeks ago. Here is reminder of that:
"...I was desperate to get home when a hot stud approached me. It was Nathan, American-born half-Norwegian and half-Chinese from Los Angeles. One cigarette turned into many more and we were making out in his hotel suite on the Piccadilly..."
In essence, you have about three minutes to sell yourself during that smoke date, so to say. It is a smoker to smoker pulling and, in a way, the smoking ban turned into a bonus activity for singletons of the capital. The street life livened up and people are chatting with each other rather than acting indecisive indoors.
For those who would like to try smirting, here are few places that could be fun to check out depending on what kind of crowd you like.
Media people usually smirt at The White Horse on Newburgh Street. Gay smirters highly recommend the Rupert Street Bar in Soho. If you are into Australians, New Zealanders or South Africans then The Walkabout in Shepherd's Bush is a good location to flirt while having a fag. For fans of Latin looks, Café Kick on Shoreditch High Street is worth trying. Fashion divas, cinema fans and admirers of architecture are welcome to smirt in Shoreditch House on Ebor Street. If you want to hook up with a City professional, then Le Coq D'Argent in the City is perfect for you. However, you can smirt anywhere as long as there is a potential date and chemistry, and, of course, a cigarette.
Today I have met with Anton. He is a London-based Russian human rights activist. Anton is a very handsome young man with striking dark eyes coupled with intelligence. I guess Mother Russia was generous with some. Our date was somewhat in a Russian-style with laughs, tea and some sweets. He was not too tall but taller than me. It turned out that he had somewhat similar educational and ethnic background as Michael, my former boyfriend in America. Anton's first degree was in Physics and is a Jew. Michael had Bachelor's degree in Mathematics and is Jew as well. Both of them are now in law and human rights. For some reasons, I was always attracted to Jews subconsciously despite I never agreed with Israel's policy towards Palestine.
At some point during our rendezvous I felt like I was on of these reality shows where a bachelor interviews all potential candidates. I thought he was evaluating my looks and me overall. We sat tête-à-tête and I could see some parts of his body. I was satisfied with what I saw. Man, that dark hair, eloquent and flawless Russian speech, his smile and our freedom of press talks were surely checking all the ticks. He was dressed trendy and relaxed; his apartment was very clean and there was a vase full of fresh roses on the table. Matryoshkas, Russian wooden dolls, portraying Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Leonid Brezhnev and Mikhail Gorbachev, caught my attention. Anton is a native of Siberia where my ancestors come from. After a nice afternoon, we gave each other a tight hug (melting) and agreed to meet very soon. I cannot wait to our next meeting.
Happy smirting,
~ζ
My First Smoke-Free Day
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 24, 2007 (Tuesday)
I was shocked when I calculated that I spent £1031.13 (€1539 | $2127) in one year on cigarettes only! I smoked about 10 fags of Marlboro Lights or L&M a day and my calculation was based on their prices in London. Apart from the financial side, I have noticed what cigarettes were doing to my health. I have decided to quit smoking and treat myself next year at this time with spare £1031.13 I will save from not buying cigarettes.
Well, hopefully, giving up smoking will improve my health, skin, teeth and finances. I am saying 'No' to tobacco and giving up smirting too. Below are some of benefits of quitting smoking. Well, I have picked up few NHS brochures from a local pharmacist.
The Benefits of Stopping Smoking (Source: NHS)
20 minutes: Immediately after quitting smoking the body will begin to cleanse itself of the tobacco toxins. Blood pressure and pulse rate returns to normal. A circulation improves in hands and feet, making them warmer.
8 hours: Oxygen levels in the blood return to normal and the risk of a heart attack starts to fail.
1 day: Carbon monoxide is eliminated from around the body and the lungs start to clear out mucus and other debris.
2 days: Nicotine is no longer detectable in the body and the ability to taste and smell is improved.
3 days: Breathing becomes easier as the bronchial tubes relax and energy levels increase.
2-12 weeks: Circulation improves throughout the body, making walking easier.
3-9 months: Breathing problems such as coughing, shortness of breath and wheezing improve. Overall, lung function is increased by 5-10%.
5 years: Risk of a heart attack falls to about half that of a smoker.
10 years: Risk of a lung cancer falls to about half that of a smoker. The risk of a heart attack falls to about the same level as someone who has never smoked.
15 years: The risk of getting many of the diseases caused by smoking will be reduced to little more than that of a life-long non-smoker.
I did not smoke a single cigarette today and had no cravings. I hope to continue this way.
'Yes' to a healthier life,
~ζ
July 24, 2007 (Tuesday)
I was shocked when I calculated that I spent £1031.13 (€1539 | $2127) in one year on cigarettes only! I smoked about 10 fags of Marlboro Lights or L&M a day and my calculation was based on their prices in London. Apart from the financial side, I have noticed what cigarettes were doing to my health. I have decided to quit smoking and treat myself next year at this time with spare £1031.13 I will save from not buying cigarettes.
Well, hopefully, giving up smoking will improve my health, skin, teeth and finances. I am saying 'No' to tobacco and giving up smirting too. Below are some of benefits of quitting smoking. Well, I have picked up few NHS brochures from a local pharmacist.
The Benefits of Stopping Smoking (Source: NHS)
20 minutes: Immediately after quitting smoking the body will begin to cleanse itself of the tobacco toxins. Blood pressure and pulse rate returns to normal. A circulation improves in hands and feet, making them warmer.
8 hours: Oxygen levels in the blood return to normal and the risk of a heart attack starts to fail.
1 day: Carbon monoxide is eliminated from around the body and the lungs start to clear out mucus and other debris.
2 days: Nicotine is no longer detectable in the body and the ability to taste and smell is improved.
3 days: Breathing becomes easier as the bronchial tubes relax and energy levels increase.
2-12 weeks: Circulation improves throughout the body, making walking easier.
3-9 months: Breathing problems such as coughing, shortness of breath and wheezing improve. Overall, lung function is increased by 5-10%.
5 years: Risk of a heart attack falls to about half that of a smoker.
10 years: Risk of a lung cancer falls to about half that of a smoker. The risk of a heart attack falls to about the same level as someone who has never smoked.
15 years: The risk of getting many of the diseases caused by smoking will be reduced to little more than that of a life-long non-smoker.
I did not smoke a single cigarette today and had no cravings. I hope to continue this way.
'Yes' to a healthier life,
~ζ
Monday, July 23, 2007
Simple Pleasures of Life
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 23, 2007 (Monday)
In the midst of our daily routines we tend to forget about simple pleasures that our lives have to offer. For example: ironing your clothes. Usually, I hate ironing but today I really enjoyed it. We all like to wear clean, ironed and nice clothes. I was ironing my shirts as if they were adding more beauty to my looks. It is very naïve thought but sometimes clothes do matter. As a person in the media and finance world, I should be thinking more about my appearance. Ironing clothes, in a way, reminded me biking at night alone in Amsterdam, Netherlands. It was my bike, empty roads, my thoughts and me, and nothing else. This time it was my clothes, iron, my thoughts and me. I found it very pleasing despite it might sound so simple. I was doing it until the phone rang.
It was my former Scandinavian partner. We had a long conversation, as we always had in the past. It was a very constructive dialogue, which we both enjoyed. I am glad that Sam and I started talking and keeping in touch. No matter what happened in late spring, we still had a lot of wonderful times together. I am thankful to him for many joyful and unforgettable memories, and hope to continue being in each others' lives as close friends. He told that he does not like his blog name – Sam. If you remember, all names in my blogs are changed for privacy reasons. Now I have to think of a new blog name for Sam, maybe Stan, Stanley or Sylvester? Guys, which name do you think will suit tall, green/grey-eyed handsome and young-hearted Scandinavian man?
Talking on the phone with someone can be very pleasing and enjoyable. It felt good to speak with my former boyfriend and let some past grudges go. Other simple pleasures that I found today were Amy Winehouse's performance and the first Afro-Caribbean actor to play Othello in William Shakespeare's play.
Despite that Amy Winehouse is exhausted, drops the microphone and messes up, she is still a great singer. I have always enjoyed her songs and I did tonight as well. On the other note, it will be very unusual to see non-Caucasian play Othello. Eamonn Walker will be performing at the Shakespeare Globe until August 19, 2007.
Another simple pleasure is smoking a cigarette. However, I am quitting starting tomorrow. So, wish me good luck and my next entry will be about benefits of stopping smoking.
Simple pleasures to you all,
~ζ
July 23, 2007 (Monday)
In the midst of our daily routines we tend to forget about simple pleasures that our lives have to offer. For example: ironing your clothes. Usually, I hate ironing but today I really enjoyed it. We all like to wear clean, ironed and nice clothes. I was ironing my shirts as if they were adding more beauty to my looks. It is very naïve thought but sometimes clothes do matter. As a person in the media and finance world, I should be thinking more about my appearance. Ironing clothes, in a way, reminded me biking at night alone in Amsterdam, Netherlands. It was my bike, empty roads, my thoughts and me, and nothing else. This time it was my clothes, iron, my thoughts and me. I found it very pleasing despite it might sound so simple. I was doing it until the phone rang.
It was my former Scandinavian partner. We had a long conversation, as we always had in the past. It was a very constructive dialogue, which we both enjoyed. I am glad that Sam and I started talking and keeping in touch. No matter what happened in late spring, we still had a lot of wonderful times together. I am thankful to him for many joyful and unforgettable memories, and hope to continue being in each others' lives as close friends. He told that he does not like his blog name – Sam. If you remember, all names in my blogs are changed for privacy reasons. Now I have to think of a new blog name for Sam, maybe Stan, Stanley or Sylvester? Guys, which name do you think will suit tall, green/grey-eyed handsome and young-hearted Scandinavian man?
Talking on the phone with someone can be very pleasing and enjoyable. It felt good to speak with my former boyfriend and let some past grudges go. Other simple pleasures that I found today were Amy Winehouse's performance and the first Afro-Caribbean actor to play Othello in William Shakespeare's play.
Despite that Amy Winehouse is exhausted, drops the microphone and messes up, she is still a great singer. I have always enjoyed her songs and I did tonight as well. On the other note, it will be very unusual to see non-Caucasian play Othello. Eamonn Walker will be performing at the Shakespeare Globe until August 19, 2007.
Another simple pleasure is smoking a cigarette. However, I am quitting starting tomorrow. So, wish me good luck and my next entry will be about benefits of stopping smoking.
Simple pleasures to you all,
~ζ
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Book Market: A New Cruising Area for Gays?
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 22, 2007 (Sunday)
This is a very special day in my life and more details can be found in my Russian blog at http://996312.blogspot.com.
I have heard of Barbara Streisand before but was not aware that she was very popular until I purchased her compact disk last year as a gift for my former partner in Scandinavia. A friend of mine is a security officer and told me that I should see her concert at the O2 Arena last Wednesday. I completely forgot about that until I saw it in local papers the next day. Today was her second concert in London but for some reasons I did not go. Of course, tickets were sold out long ago and cost from £100 – £500 (€150 – €747 | $207 – $1032)! There is one more concert of hers left but I do not think I will be there. I remembered that my former boyfriend liked her a lot. Anyway, I will keep my eyes open and see if there are any other events that I could go. The last big gig I went was George Michael's 25Live concert in Denmark. Maybe I will go to one of Amy Winehouse's performances.
Well, after a long weekend sleep, I headed towards South bank. As I sat on the pier in front of the Oxo Tower, a young, very hot, tall guy with green eyes took a seat vis-à-vis. He was Frederic, 23-year-old German and a City professional who recently moved from Bristol. I was looking at the Swiss Re Headquarters, Saint Paul's Cathedral and enjoying the City until Frederic's handsome face blocked my view. We started chit-chatting. I love doing a small talk with strangers, especially if they are cute. Frederic and I agreed to meet up for a beer and then his girlfriend showed up. What?! Luckily, she is leaving on Monday and Frederic and I already exchanged numbers. I really do not care if he is straight or not since I have slept with self-declared heterosexuals before. Well, straight by day and gay by night, who knows? I do not know but for some reasons I have been hanging out with too much Germans lately. So far, all Germans I know are good in and out of bed.
There I was in South bank under the Waterloo Bridge in the open-air book market looking for Yevgeni Yevtushenko's poetry collection, which I found. However, I also found out that the South bank book market is a trendy place to cruise. Personally, I have noticed it too but did not pay too much attention until it became too obvious. Lonely, smart and handsome single gay men spend hours under the bridge in search of a book, or, frankly saying, of a similar kind. I will certainly return there more equipped, look for a sophisticated book and maybe wear glasses to appear a bit geeky. Hopefully, I will not look too silly.
Later Takashi, my Japanese friend, and I met up. He taught how to properly use chopsticks and drink jasmine tea with no sugar. After a little bit of learning we hit some bars. I got tipsy but it did not prevent me from flirting in and smirting out. The rest is a boring and usual story.
"Whatsoever a man sows, that he shall also reap" from the Law of Consequence.
Happy consequences,
~ζ
July 22, 2007 (Sunday)
This is a very special day in my life and more details can be found in my Russian blog at http://996312.blogspot.com.
I have heard of Barbara Streisand before but was not aware that she was very popular until I purchased her compact disk last year as a gift for my former partner in Scandinavia. A friend of mine is a security officer and told me that I should see her concert at the O2 Arena last Wednesday. I completely forgot about that until I saw it in local papers the next day. Today was her second concert in London but for some reasons I did not go. Of course, tickets were sold out long ago and cost from £100 – £500 (€150 – €747 | $207 – $1032)! There is one more concert of hers left but I do not think I will be there. I remembered that my former boyfriend liked her a lot. Anyway, I will keep my eyes open and see if there are any other events that I could go. The last big gig I went was George Michael's 25Live concert in Denmark. Maybe I will go to one of Amy Winehouse's performances.
Well, after a long weekend sleep, I headed towards South bank. As I sat on the pier in front of the Oxo Tower, a young, very hot, tall guy with green eyes took a seat vis-à-vis. He was Frederic, 23-year-old German and a City professional who recently moved from Bristol. I was looking at the Swiss Re Headquarters, Saint Paul's Cathedral and enjoying the City until Frederic's handsome face blocked my view. We started chit-chatting. I love doing a small talk with strangers, especially if they are cute. Frederic and I agreed to meet up for a beer and then his girlfriend showed up. What?! Luckily, she is leaving on Monday and Frederic and I already exchanged numbers. I really do not care if he is straight or not since I have slept with self-declared heterosexuals before. Well, straight by day and gay by night, who knows? I do not know but for some reasons I have been hanging out with too much Germans lately. So far, all Germans I know are good in and out of bed.
There I was in South bank under the Waterloo Bridge in the open-air book market looking for Yevgeni Yevtushenko's poetry collection, which I found. However, I also found out that the South bank book market is a trendy place to cruise. Personally, I have noticed it too but did not pay too much attention until it became too obvious. Lonely, smart and handsome single gay men spend hours under the bridge in search of a book, or, frankly saying, of a similar kind. I will certainly return there more equipped, look for a sophisticated book and maybe wear glasses to appear a bit geeky. Hopefully, I will not look too silly.
Later Takashi, my Japanese friend, and I met up. He taught how to properly use chopsticks and drink jasmine tea with no sugar. After a little bit of learning we hit some bars. I got tipsy but it did not prevent me from flirting in and smirting out. The rest is a boring and usual story.
"Whatsoever a man sows, that he shall also reap" from the Law of Consequence.
Happy consequences,
~ζ
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Crazy Fans
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 21, 2007 (Saturday)
Sometimes I wonder what fans could do. Yesterday I saw long lines in front of bookstores waiting for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Potter fans as far as from the United States, Belgium, Netherlands and Sweden literally slept on streets to save their spots in the line. Unbelievable though. Personally, I have not read or watched any of the Potter books or movies; the same is true about the Lord of the Rings. I never had an interest in any of them. However, everywhere I see is someone reading the final Potter book. I wonder which hero will die. Few of my acquaintances are Potter fans and I truly hope that sleeping on streets to get the book was worth it.
Everyone knows Bart Simpson from the Simpsons. Now there is one more Bart, this time in Great Britain. Barmy Brain Simpson, a British fan of the series, formally changed his name into Bart Homer Simpson. Man, some people are fanatical about their heroes or fictional friends. For your information, the Simpsons Movie premiers in London next Thursday (July 26, 2007). I will make sure I watch the movie. Yes, I find the Simpson family entertaining and I know someone whose nickname is Lisa Simpson. I will not tell why but it is a bit funny. I wonder if she will watch the movie.
If you are an aviation fan like me, then do not miss Red Bull Air Race next weekend (July 28-29, 2007).
Oh, crazy fans...
~ζ
July 21, 2007 (Saturday)
Sometimes I wonder what fans could do. Yesterday I saw long lines in front of bookstores waiting for the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Potter fans as far as from the United States, Belgium, Netherlands and Sweden literally slept on streets to save their spots in the line. Unbelievable though. Personally, I have not read or watched any of the Potter books or movies; the same is true about the Lord of the Rings. I never had an interest in any of them. However, everywhere I see is someone reading the final Potter book. I wonder which hero will die. Few of my acquaintances are Potter fans and I truly hope that sleeping on streets to get the book was worth it.
Everyone knows Bart Simpson from the Simpsons. Now there is one more Bart, this time in Great Britain. Barmy Brain Simpson, a British fan of the series, formally changed his name into Bart Homer Simpson. Man, some people are fanatical about their heroes or fictional friends. For your information, the Simpsons Movie premiers in London next Thursday (July 26, 2007). I will make sure I watch the movie. Yes, I find the Simpson family entertaining and I know someone whose nickname is Lisa Simpson. I will not tell why but it is a bit funny. I wonder if she will watch the movie.
If you are an aviation fan like me, then do not miss Red Bull Air Race next weekend (July 28-29, 2007).
Oh, crazy fans...
~ζ
Friday, July 20, 2007
Rupert Everett: "Find Me a Fella..."
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 20, 2007 (Friday)
I have always liked Rupert Everett, British gay actor, and was pleasantly surprised that he is single. Rupert voiced Prince Charming in the Shrek movies. He was taken to speed dating by Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins and declared a week earlier, "I would really like a relationship. Could you start a campaign?" – said Rupert, a close friend of Madonna and Julia Roberts.
Rupert might be 'old and too Hollywood' as some describe him but he is a damn good catch. I will keep my eyes open and see if Rupert's and my paths cross at some point. Well, Mr. Everett, I hope you find your Prince Charming and good luck! I wonder if Rupert is top, bottom or versatile in bed? He is good on screen and I guess he is the same in sex.
Talking about dating, yesterday I read a little article in a local paper about dates from hell, or, specifically, phone mishaps. Similar story happened to someone I know. A friend of mine once asked me to call her during her date so she can appear as a busy businesswoman. Well, I did but instead of saying that it was her business partner she said by a mistake that it was Jacob Galstad, her businessman friend. She made up the name but it appears that Jacob Galstad exists and was her date's brother-in-law who was a real businessman. The rest was revealed fast and they agreed to have a new date with no mishaps and lies.
Honestly, I used to do that too when I was a student in Washington DC. Sometimes it worked but usually I ended up feeling like a fool in front of a good-looking and successful professional. Therefore, I simply turn off my cell phone when I am on a date. Yes, simple as that. No need to appear busy, popular or as someone I am not. People do not dislike me and my crazy fun drive anyway.
No mishaps,
~ζ
July 20, 2007 (Friday)
I have always liked Rupert Everett, British gay actor, and was pleasantly surprised that he is single. Rupert voiced Prince Charming in the Shrek movies. He was taken to speed dating by Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins and declared a week earlier, "I would really like a relationship. Could you start a campaign?" – said Rupert, a close friend of Madonna and Julia Roberts.
Rupert might be 'old and too Hollywood' as some describe him but he is a damn good catch. I will keep my eyes open and see if Rupert's and my paths cross at some point. Well, Mr. Everett, I hope you find your Prince Charming and good luck! I wonder if Rupert is top, bottom or versatile in bed? He is good on screen and I guess he is the same in sex.
Talking about dating, yesterday I read a little article in a local paper about dates from hell, or, specifically, phone mishaps. Similar story happened to someone I know. A friend of mine once asked me to call her during her date so she can appear as a busy businesswoman. Well, I did but instead of saying that it was her business partner she said by a mistake that it was Jacob Galstad, her businessman friend. She made up the name but it appears that Jacob Galstad exists and was her date's brother-in-law who was a real businessman. The rest was revealed fast and they agreed to have a new date with no mishaps and lies.
Honestly, I used to do that too when I was a student in Washington DC. Sometimes it worked but usually I ended up feeling like a fool in front of a good-looking and successful professional. Therefore, I simply turn off my cell phone when I am on a date. Yes, simple as that. No need to appear busy, popular or as someone I am not. People do not dislike me and my crazy fun drive anyway.
No mishaps,
~ζ
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Trouble–Free Thursday
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 19, 2007 (Thursday)
I remember from my childhood that Thursday was a special day in our family. It was the day when my mom would cook special dishes and pray. Of course, worshiping of any kind was prohibited where I grew up but the smell of those meals is still in my mind.
I was woken up by a phone call from a friend in Germany. It was very pleasant conversation but I fell asleep again. Kurt phoned and then I decided to wake up. I asked what the weather was like outside since my windows were shut. Finally, I got up and took a cold shower. I searched for fares to my vacation destination but prices increased a lot in the last 24 hours. Damn it! Just yesterday tariff was £39 and now it is £358! I definitely need to get out of London for some time.
I was planning to cook for 'somebody' but we decided to dine at the local Italian restaurant. After a nice dinner, we were having wine and pouring it into each others' mouths. It may sound vulgar but it was very erotic. No matter how much I tried to hold my horses back, I simply could not withstand 'somebody's' charisma and inner beauty. 'Somebody' tried hard as well but we just gave up and dove into the world of pleasure.
Our bodies were moving like one. The atmosphere was charged with particles of passion, desire and taboo pleasures. Our eyes met and tongues were darting. It was very intense. His smell drove me crazy and accelerated the climax of our intimate act. 'Somebody' mesmerized me and I was all his and only his. At some point, I wished that it would never end. 'Somebody' is one of the most beautiful individuals I have ever met – both inside and outside. Then, we both reached the peak of our intimate act. It was mouthwateringly good and unforgettable.
Later in the evening, I called to my former partner in Scandinavia. I did not even know if he was at his office or not. He works at the local hospital and I usually speak German when his colleagues pick up the phone. To my surprise, he answered the phone and we had a very decent dialogue. I thought he would hang up the phone but he did not. I am glad that we were able to hold a civilized conversation without arguing. I truly hope that this will lead to a friendship between my former boyfriend and me. Both of us cannot deny that we shared one of the best times together; therefore, it was in our interest to establish friendship. Sam, welcome on board again! Du er min ven fra nu.
I would like to end this entry with a great quote from Goethe, German scholar: "From every power that holds the world in chains, man frees himself when self-control he gains."
Happy self-controlling to all,
~ζ
July 19, 2007 (Thursday)
I remember from my childhood that Thursday was a special day in our family. It was the day when my mom would cook special dishes and pray. Of course, worshiping of any kind was prohibited where I grew up but the smell of those meals is still in my mind.
I was woken up by a phone call from a friend in Germany. It was very pleasant conversation but I fell asleep again. Kurt phoned and then I decided to wake up. I asked what the weather was like outside since my windows were shut. Finally, I got up and took a cold shower. I searched for fares to my vacation destination but prices increased a lot in the last 24 hours. Damn it! Just yesterday tariff was £39 and now it is £358! I definitely need to get out of London for some time.
I was planning to cook for 'somebody' but we decided to dine at the local Italian restaurant. After a nice dinner, we were having wine and pouring it into each others' mouths. It may sound vulgar but it was very erotic. No matter how much I tried to hold my horses back, I simply could not withstand 'somebody's' charisma and inner beauty. 'Somebody' tried hard as well but we just gave up and dove into the world of pleasure.
Our bodies were moving like one. The atmosphere was charged with particles of passion, desire and taboo pleasures. Our eyes met and tongues were darting. It was very intense. His smell drove me crazy and accelerated the climax of our intimate act. 'Somebody' mesmerized me and I was all his and only his. At some point, I wished that it would never end. 'Somebody' is one of the most beautiful individuals I have ever met – both inside and outside. Then, we both reached the peak of our intimate act. It was mouthwateringly good and unforgettable.
Later in the evening, I called to my former partner in Scandinavia. I did not even know if he was at his office or not. He works at the local hospital and I usually speak German when his colleagues pick up the phone. To my surprise, he answered the phone and we had a very decent dialogue. I thought he would hang up the phone but he did not. I am glad that we were able to hold a civilized conversation without arguing. I truly hope that this will lead to a friendship between my former boyfriend and me. Both of us cannot deny that we shared one of the best times together; therefore, it was in our interest to establish friendship. Sam, welcome on board again! Du er min ven fra nu.
I would like to end this entry with a great quote from Goethe, German scholar: "From every power that holds the world in chains, man frees himself when self-control he gains."
Happy self-controlling to all,
~ζ
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Bingo!
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 18, 2007 (Wednesday)
Finally, after little emotional blackmail, I am back in my element. Time to rock and roll...
Honestly, I did not know that quite a few people read my blog. I got a request from a blind person concerning this blog. I apologize that there is no disabled version of my online diary for visually impaired people. I understand that some computers can voice texts but not all. I will set up an audio version of my entries and visually impaired people will get feeds once they subscribe to my blog. I will voice my own blog but, unfortunately, they will be fed with one day delay. I am glad that people from as far as New Zealand, South Africa, Brazil and Japan are readers of my online journal. Guys, thank you! I hope I do not bore you with my everyday life.
People, who know me well or former Soviets, understand what I mean by 'special lotto.' If not, then I highly recommend watching Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears. As the famous saying by Lyudmila (Irina Muraviova) goes "You either lose a million or fall in love with Queen Herself." Somewhat similar happened in my life. No, I did not win a big sum of money. I won something even more, something that any amount of money cannot buy. I will not go into details but can tell you only one thing... Well, I changed my mind unless you are really interested.
Today I embarked on a whiskey and poker cruise from the Blackfriars Pier. It was so fun sipping cocktails on the deck of a cruise ship on the Thames, nibbling canapés and learning to play poker. Kitty La Roar was playing some cool smoky jazz music. It was a free event and I hope to see you on the next cruise. More details are available on http://www.chivas-discover-poker.co.uk.
Sometimes you walk by the place every day and never pay attention to it. Vivat Bacchus Restaurant was one of those places for me until I saw their menu by accident. If you want to try springbok, ostrich, crocodile and even a rattlesnake then get off at the Farringdon Station and order grilled rattlesnake with chilly jelly, lime crème fraiche on black-eyed beans. Actually, rattlesnake tastes very nice and Robert Staegemann, head chef, is known for his exceptional dishes. Poisonously delicious...
Later, I met with my former classmate and we had a few drinks, laughs and interesting talks. My former classmate tried the Orgasm cocktail for first time and liked it. I always liked that cocktail and there are only handful places in London that can make this drink.
Suddenly, 'somebody' called me as my former classmate and I were talking about him. Maybe it was telepathy or a pure coincidence. Last time I called 'somebody' while he was talking about me. Intriguing though... Anyway, later on, my maestro friend surprised me with a nice text message and a call. We talked about his tours and performances in Tokyo, Salzburg, Munich and other cities around the world. He is a famous conductor and it is a pleasure to listen to his music. We realized that it has been so long since we have not seen each other and decided to meet sometime in near future.
If you recently broke up, then get today's The London Paper. Gay columnist Joshua Hunt's When Your Ex Files Your Stuff is interesting and has some practical advice. Other than that, my advice is to handle, not to strangle the people you live or work with.
Have fun handling life's ups and downs,
~ζ
July 18, 2007 (Wednesday)
Finally, after little emotional blackmail, I am back in my element. Time to rock and roll...
Honestly, I did not know that quite a few people read my blog. I got a request from a blind person concerning this blog. I apologize that there is no disabled version of my online diary for visually impaired people. I understand that some computers can voice texts but not all. I will set up an audio version of my entries and visually impaired people will get feeds once they subscribe to my blog. I will voice my own blog but, unfortunately, they will be fed with one day delay. I am glad that people from as far as New Zealand, South Africa, Brazil and Japan are readers of my online journal. Guys, thank you! I hope I do not bore you with my everyday life.
People, who know me well or former Soviets, understand what I mean by 'special lotto.' If not, then I highly recommend watching Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears. As the famous saying by Lyudmila (Irina Muraviova) goes "You either lose a million or fall in love with Queen Herself." Somewhat similar happened in my life. No, I did not win a big sum of money. I won something even more, something that any amount of money cannot buy. I will not go into details but can tell you only one thing... Well, I changed my mind unless you are really interested.
Today I embarked on a whiskey and poker cruise from the Blackfriars Pier. It was so fun sipping cocktails on the deck of a cruise ship on the Thames, nibbling canapés and learning to play poker. Kitty La Roar was playing some cool smoky jazz music. It was a free event and I hope to see you on the next cruise. More details are available on http://www.chivas-discover-poker.co.uk.
Sometimes you walk by the place every day and never pay attention to it. Vivat Bacchus Restaurant was one of those places for me until I saw their menu by accident. If you want to try springbok, ostrich, crocodile and even a rattlesnake then get off at the Farringdon Station and order grilled rattlesnake with chilly jelly, lime crème fraiche on black-eyed beans. Actually, rattlesnake tastes very nice and Robert Staegemann, head chef, is known for his exceptional dishes. Poisonously delicious...
Later, I met with my former classmate and we had a few drinks, laughs and interesting talks. My former classmate tried the Orgasm cocktail for first time and liked it. I always liked that cocktail and there are only handful places in London that can make this drink.
Suddenly, 'somebody' called me as my former classmate and I were talking about him. Maybe it was telepathy or a pure coincidence. Last time I called 'somebody' while he was talking about me. Intriguing though... Anyway, later on, my maestro friend surprised me with a nice text message and a call. We talked about his tours and performances in Tokyo, Salzburg, Munich and other cities around the world. He is a famous conductor and it is a pleasure to listen to his music. We realized that it has been so long since we have not seen each other and decided to meet sometime in near future.
If you recently broke up, then get today's The London Paper. Gay columnist Joshua Hunt's When Your Ex Files Your Stuff is interesting and has some practical advice. Other than that, my advice is to handle, not to strangle the people you live or work with.
Have fun handling life's ups and downs,
~ζ
Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
MI5 Drama, John Waters and Taj Mahal
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 17, 2007 (Tuesday)
I was walking on Passage Alley where Spooks, BBC's drama about MI5, was being filmed. Passage Alley is a small street next to my apartment building. I was on the phone while characters and camera were next to me. We will see if I am in the series. It was exciting though that my area will be in Spooks. This drama is about MI5, British intelligence service, and I could totally understand why filmmakers chose Passage Alley. It is narrow, dark and is perfect for secret meetings. By the way, About a Boy with Hugh Grant was also filmed in the area where I reside.
Kurt and I had a John Waters movie afternoon after a nice lunch in South Kensington. The first movie was Hairspray. It was the original one, not the one with John Travolta. Oddly enough, the story took place in Baltimore, where I used to live. Baltimore looked much different in 1960s than it is now. The movie was very interesting and touched upon racial discrimination issues in dancing competitions. The best part was hair styles of characters. That is what I call a hairdo.
Have you heard of a term 'tea-bagging'? If not, then you have to watch John Waters's Pecker. It also took place in Baltimore. It is about a simple guy from Maryland who was struck by fame. His photographs were revealing and his grandmother's Virgin Mary statue talked with people. Pecker's real life shots became hit in New York's premier art galleries but his personal life suffered for it. It is a great movie to watch; at least, to find out what 'tea-bagging' is or too see talking Virgin Mary statue.
I have never seen the Taj Mahal in Agra but I saw the one in London. It was a sight you do not see every day – a replica of the Taj Mahal sailing up the Thames. Marble icon floated and was moored at the City Hall. This symbol of love has a great story behind it. Shah Jahan loved Mumtaz Mahal, his wife, who died in 1629. He ordered to build a tomb. Verses from the Koran, Moslem holy book, decorated the outside along with inlaid floral patterns. It took 20,000 workers 20 years to complete the tomb. However, even after the Taj Mahal was built in 1650, Shah Jahan was still in a great pain and died in 1666. His body was put near Mumtaz Mahal.
Later, I went to Marylebone not to make love, but you know what. As I was having sex, the other guy's eyes got a bit scary. It is funny to think about it now. Tomorrow I have scheduled some fun activities and am looking forward.
Adios,
~ζ
July 17, 2007 (Tuesday)
I was walking on Passage Alley where Spooks, BBC's drama about MI5, was being filmed. Passage Alley is a small street next to my apartment building. I was on the phone while characters and camera were next to me. We will see if I am in the series. It was exciting though that my area will be in Spooks. This drama is about MI5, British intelligence service, and I could totally understand why filmmakers chose Passage Alley. It is narrow, dark and is perfect for secret meetings. By the way, About a Boy with Hugh Grant was also filmed in the area where I reside.
Kurt and I had a John Waters movie afternoon after a nice lunch in South Kensington. The first movie was Hairspray. It was the original one, not the one with John Travolta. Oddly enough, the story took place in Baltimore, where I used to live. Baltimore looked much different in 1960s than it is now. The movie was very interesting and touched upon racial discrimination issues in dancing competitions. The best part was hair styles of characters. That is what I call a hairdo.
Have you heard of a term 'tea-bagging'? If not, then you have to watch John Waters's Pecker. It also took place in Baltimore. It is about a simple guy from Maryland who was struck by fame. His photographs were revealing and his grandmother's Virgin Mary statue talked with people. Pecker's real life shots became hit in New York's premier art galleries but his personal life suffered for it. It is a great movie to watch; at least, to find out what 'tea-bagging' is or too see talking Virgin Mary statue.
I have never seen the Taj Mahal in Agra but I saw the one in London. It was a sight you do not see every day – a replica of the Taj Mahal sailing up the Thames. Marble icon floated and was moored at the City Hall. This symbol of love has a great story behind it. Shah Jahan loved Mumtaz Mahal, his wife, who died in 1629. He ordered to build a tomb. Verses from the Koran, Moslem holy book, decorated the outside along with inlaid floral patterns. It took 20,000 workers 20 years to complete the tomb. However, even after the Taj Mahal was built in 1650, Shah Jahan was still in a great pain and died in 1666. His body was put near Mumtaz Mahal.
Later, I went to Marylebone not to make love, but you know what. As I was having sex, the other guy's eyes got a bit scary. It is funny to think about it now. Tomorrow I have scheduled some fun activities and am looking forward.
Adios,
~ζ
Monday, July 16, 2007
Legalization of Homosexuality in Great Britain: Piet’s Story
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 16, 2007 (Monday)
It has been 40 years since homosexuality was been legalized in the United Kingdom. Many activities have been held in London to mark this date. I attended one of these events and was astonished by real life stories of gay men and women. However, there was something else that was very touching – African Children's Choir.
I was jogging on the South bank and witnessed live performance of the African Children's Choir for ITV's morning show. They were AIDS orphans and were singing songs about happy childhood. Onlookers were touched and some even shed a tear. The same choir performed at the American Idol in Hollywood with Josh Groban. It was amazing and I truly admired those kids.
As I noted earlier, it was very nice to listen to stories of homosexuals from around the world. The talk given by a Dutchman, Piet, left me thinking a lot. Piet was a bus driver from Groningen in the Netherlands. Here is his story given in the first person for literary purposes.
"I never thought that this would happen to me. I was born to a loving family and had a happy life until I realized that something was missing from it. I like my job and had several long-term relationships. I met Imran, my former Moroccan boyfriend, on my bus. He asked me to stop near the hospital, where he was working before getting chartered as a doctor. Imran was in his 20s and I was in my 40s then. I did not know whether he was gay but I knew that I will see him again since he took my bus every day.
After a couple of weeks we ran into each other and had a coffee. We started dating despite I was much worried about our differences. Imran was frequent at my place and lived for a month before going back to Amsterdam to finish the medical school. Our relationship was very serious. I always had my insecurities and nobody can convince me that he or she has no insecurities. It was hard and I was worried that one day Imran might find someone else better than me. We exchanged visits and he told me that he cheated on me. I was upset but forgave him. Imran and I visited Casablanca, Fez and Rabat to meet his family and friends. We were very happy.
I was not innocent either. Internet made meeting people easier and I was taking full advantage of it. I was exchanging pictures with different guys while I was still with Imran. Being with Imran made me feel that I could aim for younger and better guys, and I did. I started an online affair with an underage guy. Of course, nobody knew about it. Meanwhile, Imran and I spent all major holidays together and were very happy until I found his agenda book. It was clear that he was meeting with other men. I kind of sensed it all the time since he lived in Amsterdam, was young and very handsome. I was very angry, told him a lot that I regret about now, and cut him off from my life without giving him a chance to explain or start over.
Imran became a neurosurgeon, got a job in Ghent in Belgium and moved on. I thought I got over him. I decided to be single for some time and enjoy it. I had few dates, online flings, visited Czech Republic, Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand. Certainly, I enjoyed my time there and all those guys. I knew from the very beginning why Eastern European and Southeast Asian guys were with me. I was not too naïve with them despite that I had feelings for some of them. After my last trip, I entered my apartment and was struck by its silence and emptiness. That was when I realized that it reflected me.
I thought I was happy but I still came to an empty apartment. Nobody was there to greet me after hard day at work. My heart was still empty. It was becoming more obvious every day. Once I came home drunk from a friend's birthday party. I was alone and there was nobody to take care of me when I was sick, not a soul to talk with or no person to make a coffee or squeeze a juice the next morning. On the other hand, my body was getting older despite my efforts. My sex life worsened with age and I was still alone. I realized that I was lying to myself that I am happy.
I found Imran's work telephone but he was no longer working in Ghent. I really wanted to know how he was. Apparently, he moved to Brussels for work and was engaged to a cardiologist from the same hospital. I was very happy for him. We became friends but I could feel that Imran wanted something from me. I thought he wanted a second chance but I was very wrong. I knew that I owed him an apology for not giving him a chance and being too harsh. Imran wanted an apology. I still wonder how things would have been if we were still together. I guess we will never know until we try.
I am 54 years old now and feel that I am doomed for a prostitute sex. I wanted more than I could afford. My online affair with a teenage boy was discovered by police. I always thought that I still have time and kept believing that everything was fine. In fact, I was blind to see what I had. Only now I realize that everyone is entitled for happiness and a new start. I understand that I am not the same how I was ten years ago. Things will never be the same. True love was missing from my life."
Piet went on and talked about how we should live our lives and take our chances. I was listening to him carefully and it was clear that he was suggesting not to be afraid to start over. I clearly do not want to end up alone at Piet’s age. My biggest fear is solitude in life. His speech ended with this phrase that I have heard before and is still in my head: "Cheap thrills and expensive regrets".
Still thinking,
~ζ
July 16, 2007 (Monday)
It has been 40 years since homosexuality was been legalized in the United Kingdom. Many activities have been held in London to mark this date. I attended one of these events and was astonished by real life stories of gay men and women. However, there was something else that was very touching – African Children's Choir.
I was jogging on the South bank and witnessed live performance of the African Children's Choir for ITV's morning show. They were AIDS orphans and were singing songs about happy childhood. Onlookers were touched and some even shed a tear. The same choir performed at the American Idol in Hollywood with Josh Groban. It was amazing and I truly admired those kids.
As I noted earlier, it was very nice to listen to stories of homosexuals from around the world. The talk given by a Dutchman, Piet, left me thinking a lot. Piet was a bus driver from Groningen in the Netherlands. Here is his story given in the first person for literary purposes.
"I never thought that this would happen to me. I was born to a loving family and had a happy life until I realized that something was missing from it. I like my job and had several long-term relationships. I met Imran, my former Moroccan boyfriend, on my bus. He asked me to stop near the hospital, where he was working before getting chartered as a doctor. Imran was in his 20s and I was in my 40s then. I did not know whether he was gay but I knew that I will see him again since he took my bus every day.
After a couple of weeks we ran into each other and had a coffee. We started dating despite I was much worried about our differences. Imran was frequent at my place and lived for a month before going back to Amsterdam to finish the medical school. Our relationship was very serious. I always had my insecurities and nobody can convince me that he or she has no insecurities. It was hard and I was worried that one day Imran might find someone else better than me. We exchanged visits and he told me that he cheated on me. I was upset but forgave him. Imran and I visited Casablanca, Fez and Rabat to meet his family and friends. We were very happy.
I was not innocent either. Internet made meeting people easier and I was taking full advantage of it. I was exchanging pictures with different guys while I was still with Imran. Being with Imran made me feel that I could aim for younger and better guys, and I did. I started an online affair with an underage guy. Of course, nobody knew about it. Meanwhile, Imran and I spent all major holidays together and were very happy until I found his agenda book. It was clear that he was meeting with other men. I kind of sensed it all the time since he lived in Amsterdam, was young and very handsome. I was very angry, told him a lot that I regret about now, and cut him off from my life without giving him a chance to explain or start over.
Imran became a neurosurgeon, got a job in Ghent in Belgium and moved on. I thought I got over him. I decided to be single for some time and enjoy it. I had few dates, online flings, visited Czech Republic, Indonesia, Malaysia and Thailand. Certainly, I enjoyed my time there and all those guys. I knew from the very beginning why Eastern European and Southeast Asian guys were with me. I was not too naïve with them despite that I had feelings for some of them. After my last trip, I entered my apartment and was struck by its silence and emptiness. That was when I realized that it reflected me.
I thought I was happy but I still came to an empty apartment. Nobody was there to greet me after hard day at work. My heart was still empty. It was becoming more obvious every day. Once I came home drunk from a friend's birthday party. I was alone and there was nobody to take care of me when I was sick, not a soul to talk with or no person to make a coffee or squeeze a juice the next morning. On the other hand, my body was getting older despite my efforts. My sex life worsened with age and I was still alone. I realized that I was lying to myself that I am happy.
I found Imran's work telephone but he was no longer working in Ghent. I really wanted to know how he was. Apparently, he moved to Brussels for work and was engaged to a cardiologist from the same hospital. I was very happy for him. We became friends but I could feel that Imran wanted something from me. I thought he wanted a second chance but I was very wrong. I knew that I owed him an apology for not giving him a chance and being too harsh. Imran wanted an apology. I still wonder how things would have been if we were still together. I guess we will never know until we try.
I am 54 years old now and feel that I am doomed for a prostitute sex. I wanted more than I could afford. My online affair with a teenage boy was discovered by police. I always thought that I still have time and kept believing that everything was fine. In fact, I was blind to see what I had. Only now I realize that everyone is entitled for happiness and a new start. I understand that I am not the same how I was ten years ago. Things will never be the same. True love was missing from my life."
Piet went on and talked about how we should live our lives and take our chances. I was listening to him carefully and it was clear that he was suggesting not to be afraid to start over. I clearly do not want to end up alone at Piet’s age. My biggest fear is solitude in life. His speech ended with this phrase that I have heard before and is still in my head: "Cheap thrills and expensive regrets".
Still thinking,
~ζ
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Slutty Saturday and Man-Eater Sunday
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 14–15, 2007 (Saturday and Sunday)
It is pouring from buckets outside, thunders and lighting pierce through the ambient sound of London. Rain drops are tickling my windows and Steve Wonder is singing my mom's favorite song – I Just Called to Say I Love You – as I am smoking a cigarette. I love thunder and lightning; it reminds me of my careless childhood. We used to play outside and count intervals between each thunder and lightning for our science class. Oh, what a beautiful scene outside...
It has been a wonderful weekend so far. Fortunately, I woke up with no hangover on Saturday, finished the bottle of red wine from Friday and rolled my morning fag. After awhile, I felt so blue and was crying over 'the spilled milk.' Then I decided that I should listen to my instincts which were saying to have fun, enjoy my youth and clear my mind. So, I did listen to my inner voice: put my slutty and confident attitude on and was ready for an escapade.
Takashi, my 19-year-old Japanese friend, and I met up for dinner and headed towards Soho. Honestly, I did not look my best but for some reasons whenever I think I am not preened enough, I become a men-magnet. Strange but, fortunately, true. My hair was horrible, shoes were worn out, shirt was not ironed, and, at least, I shaved off my moustache and bourgeois-style sideburns and was wearing my Japanese Yohji Yamomoto perfume.
Some guy named Alex texted me during the dinner that he was London. The phone number was not familiar to me, it was British though. I was puzzled which Alex it was since I know few people with that name. Apparently, it was Alex from Germany who speaks Russian. I was still confused how he got my number and how he knew my name. I know at least three Alexes from Germany. I decided to meet with him next week and see which Alex he was.
After a nice dinner and a few drinks, I showed Takashi where the City hunks hang out during the week, took some pictures around the Saint Paul's Cathedral and we crossed the Blackfriars Bridge. The South bank was beautiful as always. Takashi was saying how romantic the whole walk was. Indeed, it was very nice. Rainbow was adding more beauty to the sunset over the Big Smoke.
The Kudos Bar near the Trafalgar Square was our first place where we caught so many looks. I did not know that there were so many people who knew me from my online profiles. It was nice to see complete strangers approaching me and greeting me, and complimenting. It boosted my self-esteem and I was ready for more. Our next stop was the Rupert Street Bar in Soho. The real hunt began there and later accelerated at the Profile Bar.
Graham, native of London, and his Thai boyfriend, John, were a very nice couple in an open relationship. John totally broke some of my prejudices against Thais. He was in his 30s, had a Ph.D. in Mathematics, handsome, and acted like himself. It was amusing to see how both Graham and John were hitting on me. They both got my phone number. Luckily, they live in different places, if you know what I mean. However, I do not mind threesomes and orgies since I have tried them both.
After speaking with John, I realized that corruption, prostitution and sex tourism was everywhere, not only in Thailand. Well, I have a few Thai colleagues and had Thai neighbors in Amsterdam. It was interesting to hear the havoc around the former Prime Minister, Thaksin, from the Thai perspective. Basically, he still controls the Thai media and my colleagues there have few freedoms and liberties in their reporting. By the way, the 1997 Asian financial fiasco that greatly affected the world economy began in Bangkok after the Thai baht's artificial exchange rate collapsed.
Anyhow, I was out of fags and someone heard it. Muscular guy with a piercing approached me and proposed to exchange a whole pack of Marlboro for my phone number. I thought it was ridiculous and declined the offer while some cute Czech twink offered me a cigarette. It was obvious that he was an escort guy and he confirmed it by speaking on the phone in Czech. Luckily, I took Czech language courses for three months during my freshman year at an undergraduate level. Anyway, our hunt continued at the Profile Bar where potential victims were lined up.
The first guy was Daniel, a Brazilian guy from Fortaleza, where my high school classmate Maya was from, along with his friend from São Paolo. The second man was Patrick, quite charming English lad. He was very flirty from the first second he saw me ordering a drink. Man, he knows how to properly flirt and move his hips. I thought I will fall into his trap when he kindly asked my phone number. Honestly, for an Englishman he was handsome, a good kisser, knows how to touch and excite man's body and a real naughty chap. I was impressed.
After dancing until exhaustion, I sat for a while and found Nick, a 19-year-old confused Italian boy from Rome. The next thing I know was that he got my phone number and was touching me. I must tell you that my previous experiences with Italians were breathtaking. There was an Italian pilot I knew who lived near Düsseldorf in Germany and he was so passionate in and out of the bedroom. On top of that, he was a great cook. So, I knew what to do with Nick and his agitated body.
The magical fourth bloke was Cliff, a half-Australian and a half-Belgian, from Antwerp in the BeNeLux States. He was undressing me with his eyes and melting me right in front of him. Cliff was in his 20s and recently divorced with his former boyfriend after a seven-year-old partnership. He was a freshly-baked single which added more thrill. Luckily, he is moving to London in two weeks. I was a bit slutty and asked him to teach me the Belgian kiss. I have had sex with Aussies, so there was no need for the Australian kiss. His body was very sexy. What can I say...? Cliff was open for threesome, in case Takashi wanted to join us. He asked my phone number as we agreed to meet in the future and called me a man-eater. I was trying to practice my Dutch as well but the only sentence that came to my mind was "Ik wil noeken mit jau." Oh, Cliff...
The Profile Bar was closing and we were all going home. As I was walking on Wardour Street, I ran into Daniel, his friend and Nick in front of the Freedom Bar. I guess it was a fate. We talked a lot, kissed a bit but I was desperate to get home when a hot stud approached me. It was Nathan, American-born half-Norwegian and half-Chinese from Los Angeles. One cigarette turned into many more and we were making out in his hotel suite on the Piccadilly. Nathan was a fifth guy in the same night, not including Graham and John.
As a typical Angeleno, a person from Los Angeles, Nathan knew how to satisfy a guy like me. Sex was out of this world and not once. My past memories from California flooded back and we were talking about the Venice Beach and Friday Drum Circles in Marina Del Rey. Damn, it has been three years since I have not been to Los Angeles. The hotel suit smelled of sex and we went to bed after the sunrise.
Sex continued when we got up as well. We had sex for brunch and a dinner. Nathan had a body of a surfer, was in his late 20s and was pretty hot. He reminded me a bit of my former classmate from Tshwane (Pretoria) in South Africa, with whom I studied in the Netherlands. Fortunately, my body was not in pain or exhausted after all that action last night. No wonder why some of my fuck-buddies tell me that I am a sex machine. In a way, it is true that I am gentleman in society and a slut in bed. Man, it was a crazy night out with tons of booze and fresh men meat. As I came home, I said to myself, "Good job, dude!"
I am gulping the Portuguese port and am about to watch a movie before condom shopping. Hopefully, rain will stop soon. I needed something wild like the last two days to clear my mind after a week of crying and feeling blue. Luckily, living in London really helps. Let's see what the new 29th week will bring.
Grumpy but gorgeous start of the week to all,
~ζ
July 14–15, 2007 (Saturday and Sunday)
It is pouring from buckets outside, thunders and lighting pierce through the ambient sound of London. Rain drops are tickling my windows and Steve Wonder is singing my mom's favorite song – I Just Called to Say I Love You – as I am smoking a cigarette. I love thunder and lightning; it reminds me of my careless childhood. We used to play outside and count intervals between each thunder and lightning for our science class. Oh, what a beautiful scene outside...
It has been a wonderful weekend so far. Fortunately, I woke up with no hangover on Saturday, finished the bottle of red wine from Friday and rolled my morning fag. After awhile, I felt so blue and was crying over 'the spilled milk.' Then I decided that I should listen to my instincts which were saying to have fun, enjoy my youth and clear my mind. So, I did listen to my inner voice: put my slutty and confident attitude on and was ready for an escapade.
Takashi, my 19-year-old Japanese friend, and I met up for dinner and headed towards Soho. Honestly, I did not look my best but for some reasons whenever I think I am not preened enough, I become a men-magnet. Strange but, fortunately, true. My hair was horrible, shoes were worn out, shirt was not ironed, and, at least, I shaved off my moustache and bourgeois-style sideburns and was wearing my Japanese Yohji Yamomoto perfume.
Some guy named Alex texted me during the dinner that he was London. The phone number was not familiar to me, it was British though. I was puzzled which Alex it was since I know few people with that name. Apparently, it was Alex from Germany who speaks Russian. I was still confused how he got my number and how he knew my name. I know at least three Alexes from Germany. I decided to meet with him next week and see which Alex he was.
After a nice dinner and a few drinks, I showed Takashi where the City hunks hang out during the week, took some pictures around the Saint Paul's Cathedral and we crossed the Blackfriars Bridge. The South bank was beautiful as always. Takashi was saying how romantic the whole walk was. Indeed, it was very nice. Rainbow was adding more beauty to the sunset over the Big Smoke.
The Kudos Bar near the Trafalgar Square was our first place where we caught so many looks. I did not know that there were so many people who knew me from my online profiles. It was nice to see complete strangers approaching me and greeting me, and complimenting. It boosted my self-esteem and I was ready for more. Our next stop was the Rupert Street Bar in Soho. The real hunt began there and later accelerated at the Profile Bar.
Graham, native of London, and his Thai boyfriend, John, were a very nice couple in an open relationship. John totally broke some of my prejudices against Thais. He was in his 30s, had a Ph.D. in Mathematics, handsome, and acted like himself. It was amusing to see how both Graham and John were hitting on me. They both got my phone number. Luckily, they live in different places, if you know what I mean. However, I do not mind threesomes and orgies since I have tried them both.
After speaking with John, I realized that corruption, prostitution and sex tourism was everywhere, not only in Thailand. Well, I have a few Thai colleagues and had Thai neighbors in Amsterdam. It was interesting to hear the havoc around the former Prime Minister, Thaksin, from the Thai perspective. Basically, he still controls the Thai media and my colleagues there have few freedoms and liberties in their reporting. By the way, the 1997 Asian financial fiasco that greatly affected the world economy began in Bangkok after the Thai baht's artificial exchange rate collapsed.
Anyhow, I was out of fags and someone heard it. Muscular guy with a piercing approached me and proposed to exchange a whole pack of Marlboro for my phone number. I thought it was ridiculous and declined the offer while some cute Czech twink offered me a cigarette. It was obvious that he was an escort guy and he confirmed it by speaking on the phone in Czech. Luckily, I took Czech language courses for three months during my freshman year at an undergraduate level. Anyway, our hunt continued at the Profile Bar where potential victims were lined up.
The first guy was Daniel, a Brazilian guy from Fortaleza, where my high school classmate Maya was from, along with his friend from São Paolo. The second man was Patrick, quite charming English lad. He was very flirty from the first second he saw me ordering a drink. Man, he knows how to properly flirt and move his hips. I thought I will fall into his trap when he kindly asked my phone number. Honestly, for an Englishman he was handsome, a good kisser, knows how to touch and excite man's body and a real naughty chap. I was impressed.
After dancing until exhaustion, I sat for a while and found Nick, a 19-year-old confused Italian boy from Rome. The next thing I know was that he got my phone number and was touching me. I must tell you that my previous experiences with Italians were breathtaking. There was an Italian pilot I knew who lived near Düsseldorf in Germany and he was so passionate in and out of the bedroom. On top of that, he was a great cook. So, I knew what to do with Nick and his agitated body.
The magical fourth bloke was Cliff, a half-Australian and a half-Belgian, from Antwerp in the BeNeLux States. He was undressing me with his eyes and melting me right in front of him. Cliff was in his 20s and recently divorced with his former boyfriend after a seven-year-old partnership. He was a freshly-baked single which added more thrill. Luckily, he is moving to London in two weeks. I was a bit slutty and asked him to teach me the Belgian kiss. I have had sex with Aussies, so there was no need for the Australian kiss. His body was very sexy. What can I say...? Cliff was open for threesome, in case Takashi wanted to join us. He asked my phone number as we agreed to meet in the future and called me a man-eater. I was trying to practice my Dutch as well but the only sentence that came to my mind was "Ik wil noeken mit jau." Oh, Cliff...
The Profile Bar was closing and we were all going home. As I was walking on Wardour Street, I ran into Daniel, his friend and Nick in front of the Freedom Bar. I guess it was a fate. We talked a lot, kissed a bit but I was desperate to get home when a hot stud approached me. It was Nathan, American-born half-Norwegian and half-Chinese from Los Angeles. One cigarette turned into many more and we were making out in his hotel suite on the Piccadilly. Nathan was a fifth guy in the same night, not including Graham and John.
As a typical Angeleno, a person from Los Angeles, Nathan knew how to satisfy a guy like me. Sex was out of this world and not once. My past memories from California flooded back and we were talking about the Venice Beach and Friday Drum Circles in Marina Del Rey. Damn, it has been three years since I have not been to Los Angeles. The hotel suit smelled of sex and we went to bed after the sunrise.
Sex continued when we got up as well. We had sex for brunch and a dinner. Nathan had a body of a surfer, was in his late 20s and was pretty hot. He reminded me a bit of my former classmate from Tshwane (Pretoria) in South Africa, with whom I studied in the Netherlands. Fortunately, my body was not in pain or exhausted after all that action last night. No wonder why some of my fuck-buddies tell me that I am a sex machine. In a way, it is true that I am gentleman in society and a slut in bed. Man, it was a crazy night out with tons of booze and fresh men meat. As I came home, I said to myself, "Good job, dude!"
I am gulping the Portuguese port and am about to watch a movie before condom shopping. Hopefully, rain will stop soon. I needed something wild like the last two days to clear my mind after a week of crying and feeling blue. Luckily, living in London really helps. Let's see what the new 29th week will bring.
Grumpy but gorgeous start of the week to all,
~ζ
Friday, July 13, 2007
Friday the 13th in the British Capital
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 13, 2007 (Friday)
Yes, it is Friday the 13th but so far it has not been an unlucky day. I woke up with red eyes after the last night out with friends.
My very close friend, Will, left and I saw him off at the local underground station. I came home and started crying. I was shedding tears since I did not know if I will ever see him again. I hate this feeling of uncertainty. I did the same when Mary left London last week. It was very hard and I could not stop. I did not want to appear as an emotional rack and hold myself until I was in the apartment. It felt like saying our last 'Goodbyes.' Mark is leaving to the United States too. Well, there were more reasons to cry and I just could not hold my tears as soon as I entered the building. I hate showing my vulnerable sides and emotions to people, and try to control my inner feelings. At the same time, I hate being a control freak.
I got calls from few of my friends but I did not feel like going out. I just wanted to be with people I know well and have some soul-sharing conversations. After watching the 1979 comedy, Garage, my Korean friend and I went out to the Exmouth Market for a few pints. There we met my former colleague, Derek, and had a bit of a chat with him. He is leaving home to the United States as well. Earlier in the day, I ran into Kira, my former colleague from Azerbaijan, who just came back from extensive traveling throughout Europe and Scandinavia.
It was a fun night out and at some point we realized that we were two single young professionals with heart aches eating ice cream on a bench in London. My Korean friend and I have this special bond. We have some things in common and are generous with advice with each other. After a couple of pints of beer, we had some food and I started to drink some red wine. I rarely drink red wine and am not a big fan of it. As I am typing this, a glass of red wine is next to my laptop. I am trying to think what have I learned in the last month.
I do not know how am I typing this since I am pretty intoxicated at the moment. Nevertheless, there are few things I want to express. Honestly, I have learned a lot lately:
1. I have learned how to roll a fag [cigarette];
2. I have learned to make the most out of what I have;
3. I have learned to appreciate the Korean spicy food;
4. I have learned to drink coffee and tea with no sugar;
5. I have learned to respect the Greek traditions;
6. I have learned to have fun on a small budget;
7. I have learned that not everything which shines is a gold;
8. I have learned to be very patient and forgiving;
9. I have learned that sometimes you have to take two steps back to make one step forward;
10. I have learned that our life consists of questions and we strive to get answers all the time;
11. I have learned that the bad phase is only temporary;
12. I have learned that my home is where my heart is;
13. I have learned to be upfront and straightforward brutally honest;
14. I have learned to compromise but not completely give up;
15. I have learned that being vulnerable and open is not bad overall;
16. I have learned to show my real inner emotions;
17. I have learned that solitude can be good as well;
18. I have learned to cry and not be shy about it;
19. I have learned to rely on my instincts;
20. I have learned to trust and be true to myself and to those who love me.
My first rolled cigarettes were so bad but now I am as good as an experienced fag-roller. Sometimes we go for something's or someone's good looks but we have to look deeper into their inner beauty. Being patient is rewarding and forgiving is one of the best qualities that a one can have. My close German friend from Frankfurt-am-Maine once told me that we have to take two steps backwards to make one step forward. I completely agree with him.
Percy Sledge is singing When a Man Loves a Woman on my iPod as I am typing this. As a human being, we always question ourselves and try to find answers. Sometimes we forget to ask our hearts rather than our pragmatic minds. Heart does not take orders from the mind and it is very hard to force our hearts. Therefore, it is best to be honest with our feelings. I have made the mistake of not showing my true feelings. At the same time, we cannot go back in time and fix our past failures. I will try not to make this error in the future. Of course, we all do mistakes and will keep doing new ones. I hope I will learn from my old failures and be more prepared for new ones.
Four years ago my professor told me that our life is not only black and white. There is a grey shade as well. However, this grey phase of instability, confusion, grief and vulnerability is temporary and soon it will either turn into black or white. When I graduated from Pasco High School in Washington, almost a decade ago, my American family gave a little souvenir with a deep meaning. It was a crystal pig with wings attached to a crystal house with a heart inside. There were two sayings engraved on the bottom of the house:
"When pigs fly..." and "Your home is where your heart is." The second sentence is so true. My heart is not in my home country. Truthfully, it is still in Jutland Peninsula, despite all the current circumstances.
Before I moved to Europe, I watched a movie called Prince and Me with Julia Stiles. I fantasized about my Prince in the small Scandinavian kingdom and was in the seventh sky when I found him. I always thought that how many queens I have to through to find my Prince who can become a King of my heart.
I would rather be honest even if it hurts than telling a sugar-coated lies. I came to a conclusion that it is best to be true about the feelings. I hate giving up but I have learned a great deal of compromising, sharing responsibilities and living in a harmony. I realized that being vulnerable, crying and sharing true feelings are normal and that I have been hiding behind my "I am strong" mask. I understood that love needs to be nourished and nurtured with feelings based on mutual trust. I discovered that any relationship, be it personal or business, as a two-way road, and both parties need to make efforts for it to work.
Windows are open and I can still hear the sound of cars in the City coupled with Dima Bilan's Ty Dolzhna Ryadom Byt [I Want You Next to Me] on the iPod. I am still trying to finish the glass of French wine as I am rolling another cigarette. During the times of solitude, I tried to find myself and what I want from this life. I had time to think through and come to senses with myself. I have realized that being single physically is completely different than being single in your heart. Certainly, physical aspect plays a role in any relationship but the spiritual and emotional parts are more vital for the strong bond between two people.
There is an important lesson that I keep close at heart. If you cannot trust your own instincts, than you will have difficulties trusting others. I have learned to believe in myself and my abilities, and be confident. I have learned to respect myself because only then you can appreciate others around you.
I have learned to listen to my heart without consulting my pragmatic mind. I expect the same from others. I have learned that what you give is what you get. I have learned to be giving and trusting. I tried to repress and kill my feelings by dating and having sex but, as I noted earlier, physical aspect is only a small portion of the relationship. I have learned that I would rather hurt those who love me by being honest and true than deceiving them by telling lies wrapped in a pink paper.
I guess alcohol is helping me to release my inner thoughts and express openly. I do not think I could write these things if I were sober. However, I will not regret about what I wrote when I will wake up tomorrow. Luckily, thanks to the latest technology, this entry will be uploaded automatically with a help of a mobile device with a standard time stamp. Tomorrow will be another day in the Big Smoke. Another day of waiting, hoping and wishing...
Life is a gift,
~ζ
July 13, 2007 (Friday)
Yes, it is Friday the 13th but so far it has not been an unlucky day. I woke up with red eyes after the last night out with friends.
My very close friend, Will, left and I saw him off at the local underground station. I came home and started crying. I was shedding tears since I did not know if I will ever see him again. I hate this feeling of uncertainty. I did the same when Mary left London last week. It was very hard and I could not stop. I did not want to appear as an emotional rack and hold myself until I was in the apartment. It felt like saying our last 'Goodbyes.' Mark is leaving to the United States too. Well, there were more reasons to cry and I just could not hold my tears as soon as I entered the building. I hate showing my vulnerable sides and emotions to people, and try to control my inner feelings. At the same time, I hate being a control freak.
I got calls from few of my friends but I did not feel like going out. I just wanted to be with people I know well and have some soul-sharing conversations. After watching the 1979 comedy, Garage, my Korean friend and I went out to the Exmouth Market for a few pints. There we met my former colleague, Derek, and had a bit of a chat with him. He is leaving home to the United States as well. Earlier in the day, I ran into Kira, my former colleague from Azerbaijan, who just came back from extensive traveling throughout Europe and Scandinavia.
It was a fun night out and at some point we realized that we were two single young professionals with heart aches eating ice cream on a bench in London. My Korean friend and I have this special bond. We have some things in common and are generous with advice with each other. After a couple of pints of beer, we had some food and I started to drink some red wine. I rarely drink red wine and am not a big fan of it. As I am typing this, a glass of red wine is next to my laptop. I am trying to think what have I learned in the last month.
I do not know how am I typing this since I am pretty intoxicated at the moment. Nevertheless, there are few things I want to express. Honestly, I have learned a lot lately:
1. I have learned how to roll a fag [cigarette];
2. I have learned to make the most out of what I have;
3. I have learned to appreciate the Korean spicy food;
4. I have learned to drink coffee and tea with no sugar;
5. I have learned to respect the Greek traditions;
6. I have learned to have fun on a small budget;
7. I have learned that not everything which shines is a gold;
8. I have learned to be very patient and forgiving;
9. I have learned that sometimes you have to take two steps back to make one step forward;
10. I have learned that our life consists of questions and we strive to get answers all the time;
11. I have learned that the bad phase is only temporary;
12. I have learned that my home is where my heart is;
13. I have learned to be upfront and straightforward brutally honest;
14. I have learned to compromise but not completely give up;
15. I have learned that being vulnerable and open is not bad overall;
16. I have learned to show my real inner emotions;
17. I have learned that solitude can be good as well;
18. I have learned to cry and not be shy about it;
19. I have learned to rely on my instincts;
20. I have learned to trust and be true to myself and to those who love me.
My first rolled cigarettes were so bad but now I am as good as an experienced fag-roller. Sometimes we go for something's or someone's good looks but we have to look deeper into their inner beauty. Being patient is rewarding and forgiving is one of the best qualities that a one can have. My close German friend from Frankfurt-am-Maine once told me that we have to take two steps backwards to make one step forward. I completely agree with him.
Percy Sledge is singing When a Man Loves a Woman on my iPod as I am typing this. As a human being, we always question ourselves and try to find answers. Sometimes we forget to ask our hearts rather than our pragmatic minds. Heart does not take orders from the mind and it is very hard to force our hearts. Therefore, it is best to be honest with our feelings. I have made the mistake of not showing my true feelings. At the same time, we cannot go back in time and fix our past failures. I will try not to make this error in the future. Of course, we all do mistakes and will keep doing new ones. I hope I will learn from my old failures and be more prepared for new ones.
Four years ago my professor told me that our life is not only black and white. There is a grey shade as well. However, this grey phase of instability, confusion, grief and vulnerability is temporary and soon it will either turn into black or white. When I graduated from Pasco High School in Washington, almost a decade ago, my American family gave a little souvenir with a deep meaning. It was a crystal pig with wings attached to a crystal house with a heart inside. There were two sayings engraved on the bottom of the house:
"When pigs fly..." and "Your home is where your heart is." The second sentence is so true. My heart is not in my home country. Truthfully, it is still in Jutland Peninsula, despite all the current circumstances.
Before I moved to Europe, I watched a movie called Prince and Me with Julia Stiles. I fantasized about my Prince in the small Scandinavian kingdom and was in the seventh sky when I found him. I always thought that how many queens I have to through to find my Prince who can become a King of my heart.
I would rather be honest even if it hurts than telling a sugar-coated lies. I came to a conclusion that it is best to be true about the feelings. I hate giving up but I have learned a great deal of compromising, sharing responsibilities and living in a harmony. I realized that being vulnerable, crying and sharing true feelings are normal and that I have been hiding behind my "I am strong" mask. I understood that love needs to be nourished and nurtured with feelings based on mutual trust. I discovered that any relationship, be it personal or business, as a two-way road, and both parties need to make efforts for it to work.
Windows are open and I can still hear the sound of cars in the City coupled with Dima Bilan's Ty Dolzhna Ryadom Byt [I Want You Next to Me] on the iPod. I am still trying to finish the glass of French wine as I am rolling another cigarette. During the times of solitude, I tried to find myself and what I want from this life. I had time to think through and come to senses with myself. I have realized that being single physically is completely different than being single in your heart. Certainly, physical aspect plays a role in any relationship but the spiritual and emotional parts are more vital for the strong bond between two people.
There is an important lesson that I keep close at heart. If you cannot trust your own instincts, than you will have difficulties trusting others. I have learned to believe in myself and my abilities, and be confident. I have learned to respect myself because only then you can appreciate others around you.
I have learned to listen to my heart without consulting my pragmatic mind. I expect the same from others. I have learned that what you give is what you get. I have learned to be giving and trusting. I tried to repress and kill my feelings by dating and having sex but, as I noted earlier, physical aspect is only a small portion of the relationship. I have learned that I would rather hurt those who love me by being honest and true than deceiving them by telling lies wrapped in a pink paper.
I guess alcohol is helping me to release my inner thoughts and express openly. I do not think I could write these things if I were sober. However, I will not regret about what I wrote when I will wake up tomorrow. Luckily, thanks to the latest technology, this entry will be uploaded automatically with a help of a mobile device with a standard time stamp. Tomorrow will be another day in the Big Smoke. Another day of waiting, hoping and wishing...
Life is a gift,
~ζ
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Sinning at the Saint
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 12, 2007 (Thursday)
The Foggy Albion had a nice weather today, for a change. Tonight I went for our forgotten after-work drinks with my close friend, Will, and a former colleague from the United States, Mark. We have not done in a long time since we live in different cities now. As I was walking with Will, one very good-looking man stopped us and asked me where was I from? When I said "[...]," he told that he thought I was more exotic than that. My friend and I laughed and continued our way. The Paternoster Square was full of yuppie City people. We made our way to the Saint Bar next to the London Stock Exchange.
Mark is a 40-year-old journalist whose wife left him last year. It is sad but true that media professionals have the highest divorce rate among all other professions. Mark moved on after a while but he is still angry at his spouse. He is still hurting and I totally understand him. Sometimes we try to kill our feelings by dating and having sex with others. However, feelings do not die; they are just being buried deep down in our conscience. Feelings need time to fade away but even that is hard at times. Past memories and feelings flash right in front of our eyes when we see or hear something that reminds us our past relationships. We may feel fine physically but spiritually we still ache in silence and solitude. Of course, life conditions dictate our decisions, and we must move on because we have to.
We were having our usual drinks – beer and a cider – with food. Our eyes were running around since there were so many hot men and women. The waitress serving our table was a beautiful lady from Lapland. Of course, there were some flirting and phone exchanges. As we were smoking our cigars, we decided to go to Venus, the striptease bar, since we all got excited after looking at gorgeous but yuppie City studs and sweeties. Later at home, we had some wine as Trisha Goddard was talking about relationships on television. According to her, relationship is a mirror, and we always have to put ourselves in our partners' places and think how we would react and feel. She also mentions that there is too much choice thrown at us and that we always have to keep in mind that, and be more forgiving and understanding. This program made us a bit depressed. I smoked the very last cigarette of the very last Danish L&M pack. Will and I took some antidepressant pills to relax. I am on my way to bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Aloha,
~ζ
July 12, 2007 (Thursday)
The Foggy Albion had a nice weather today, for a change. Tonight I went for our forgotten after-work drinks with my close friend, Will, and a former colleague from the United States, Mark. We have not done in a long time since we live in different cities now. As I was walking with Will, one very good-looking man stopped us and asked me where was I from? When I said "[...]," he told that he thought I was more exotic than that. My friend and I laughed and continued our way. The Paternoster Square was full of yuppie City people. We made our way to the Saint Bar next to the London Stock Exchange.
Mark is a 40-year-old journalist whose wife left him last year. It is sad but true that media professionals have the highest divorce rate among all other professions. Mark moved on after a while but he is still angry at his spouse. He is still hurting and I totally understand him. Sometimes we try to kill our feelings by dating and having sex with others. However, feelings do not die; they are just being buried deep down in our conscience. Feelings need time to fade away but even that is hard at times. Past memories and feelings flash right in front of our eyes when we see or hear something that reminds us our past relationships. We may feel fine physically but spiritually we still ache in silence and solitude. Of course, life conditions dictate our decisions, and we must move on because we have to.
We were having our usual drinks – beer and a cider – with food. Our eyes were running around since there were so many hot men and women. The waitress serving our table was a beautiful lady from Lapland. Of course, there were some flirting and phone exchanges. As we were smoking our cigars, we decided to go to Venus, the striptease bar, since we all got excited after looking at gorgeous but yuppie City studs and sweeties. Later at home, we had some wine as Trisha Goddard was talking about relationships on television. According to her, relationship is a mirror, and we always have to put ourselves in our partners' places and think how we would react and feel. She also mentions that there is too much choice thrown at us and that we always have to keep in mind that, and be more forgiving and understanding. This program made us a bit depressed. I smoked the very last cigarette of the very last Danish L&M pack. Will and I took some antidepressant pills to relax. I am on my way to bed and hope that tomorrow will be better.
Aloha,
~ζ
L’amour de ma vie
LONDRES, Grande-Bretagne
12 juillet 2007 (jeudi)
L'amour de ma vie
Je tremble de peur'
Et ne ressens que douleur
De voir toutes ces couleurs
Tu as changé ma vie
Petit à petit
Tu as transformé mon monde
Et m'as transmis tes ondes
Ila fallu
Que j'aille si loin? Pour te trouver
Ila fallu
Que j'aille si loin? Pour te trouver
Mais il a falbu
Un claquement de doigt
Pour que je te perde?
Non, je sais
Nous n'avons pas la
Même culture
Mais je sais
Que j'ai tout fait pour que notre? Amour dure
Tu m'as as donné la via, le goût d'aimer
De donner et d'être aimé
Et je veux t'en remercier
12 juillet 2007 (jeudi)
L'amour de ma vie
Je tremble de peur'
Et ne ressens que douleur
De voir toutes ces couleurs
Tu as changé ma vie
Petit à petit
Tu as transformé mon monde
Et m'as transmis tes ondes
Ila fallu
Que j'aille si loin? Pour te trouver
Ila fallu
Que j'aille si loin? Pour te trouver
Mais il a falbu
Un claquement de doigt
Pour que je te perde?
Non, je sais
Nous n'avons pas la
Même culture
Mais je sais
Que j'ai tout fait pour que notre? Amour dure
Tu m'as as donné la via, le goût d'aimer
De donner et d'être aimé
Et je veux t'en remercier
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Warm Wednesday
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 11, 2007 (Wednesday)
It was another sunny day in the Big Smoke. I met with a friend visiting from Uzbekistan and showed him the tourist sites of London. Later in the evening, I met with my former colleagues and had few drinks.
I received a letter from my former Scandinavian partner. It raised so many questions in my mind and left me confused. It brought back so many memories from my previous relationship. I did not answer immediately since I wanted to read it again and try to make full sense of it. I am about to start typing a response. I will be bloody honest in my reply.
I just hope that my former partner will take it the right way. In a way, I feel like I am making a fool out of myself by opening up my wounded soul, but I chose to write the truth. I simply do not want to appear as a desperate person in need of a help. I may seem as a vulnerable individual but, in fact, we all are in some way. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am ready for any kind of reaction from my former boyfriend and hoping for his genuine understanding. Whatever the response is, I will accept it with grace.
Hope dies last,
~ζ
July 11, 2007 (Wednesday)
It was another sunny day in the Big Smoke. I met with a friend visiting from Uzbekistan and showed him the tourist sites of London. Later in the evening, I met with my former colleagues and had few drinks.
I received a letter from my former Scandinavian partner. It raised so many questions in my mind and left me confused. It brought back so many memories from my previous relationship. I did not answer immediately since I wanted to read it again and try to make full sense of it. I am about to start typing a response. I will be bloody honest in my reply.
I just hope that my former partner will take it the right way. In a way, I feel like I am making a fool out of myself by opening up my wounded soul, but I chose to write the truth. I simply do not want to appear as a desperate person in need of a help. I may seem as a vulnerable individual but, in fact, we all are in some way. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am ready for any kind of reaction from my former boyfriend and hoping for his genuine understanding. Whatever the response is, I will accept it with grace.
Hope dies last,
~ζ
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Friendship
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 10, 2007 (Tuesday)
I am glad that I have a few but good friends who are always there for me. True friends comfort you when you cry, instead of laughing at you or pretending to be busy. Real friends tell you the harsh truth rather than coating the lie with sugar. Good friends do no judge you. They love you for who you are and just the way you are. Friends do not leave you alone during hardships.
I met with a good friend of mine today. Let's call my friend 'somebody' for privacy reasons. We had a beautiful walk on the South bank, had our after-work coffees and enjoyed the view from the pier next to the Peter Jones's Tycoon Building. Later we dined at a nice Italian restaurant that had amazing views of the Saint Paul's Cathedral and the Millennium Bridge over the Thames. Honestly, we both enjoyed our time together, had some laughs and interesting conversations.
I am thankful to all of my friends and would like to dedicate the following lines from Rolf Løvland's You Raise Me Up performed by Josh Groban (Source: Warner Bros. Records via YouTube)
"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me
You raise me up
So I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up
To walk on stormy seas.
I am strong
When I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up
To more than I can be."
Guys, thank you! Thank you for your support and encouragement, belief in me and my abilities, your love and loyalty, our interesting conversations and heart-warming e-mails, our small talks on the phone, genuine laughs and many other things that fill my life with joy.
Of course, I am also open for new and exciting friendships, and restoring the old ones. Welcome on board of my friendship!
Many happy returns,
~ζ
July 10, 2007 (Tuesday)
I am glad that I have a few but good friends who are always there for me. True friends comfort you when you cry, instead of laughing at you or pretending to be busy. Real friends tell you the harsh truth rather than coating the lie with sugar. Good friends do no judge you. They love you for who you are and just the way you are. Friends do not leave you alone during hardships.
I met with a good friend of mine today. Let's call my friend 'somebody' for privacy reasons. We had a beautiful walk on the South bank, had our after-work coffees and enjoyed the view from the pier next to the Peter Jones's Tycoon Building. Later we dined at a nice Italian restaurant that had amazing views of the Saint Paul's Cathedral and the Millennium Bridge over the Thames. Honestly, we both enjoyed our time together, had some laughs and interesting conversations.
I am thankful to all of my friends and would like to dedicate the following lines from Rolf Løvland's You Raise Me Up performed by Josh Groban (Source: Warner Bros. Records via YouTube)
"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me
You raise me up
So I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up
To walk on stormy seas.
I am strong
When I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up
To more than I can be."
Guys, thank you! Thank you for your support and encouragement, belief in me and my abilities, your love and loyalty, our interesting conversations and heart-warming e-mails, our small talks on the phone, genuine laughs and many other things that fill my life with joy.
Of course, I am also open for new and exciting friendships, and restoring the old ones. Welcome on board of my friendship!
Many happy returns,
~ζ
Monday, July 09, 2007
Hot Eye Candies, Delicious and ‘High’ Times in South Kensington
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 9, 2007 (Monday)
The first part of the day was occupied by a meeting with a recently appointed editor-in-chief from Hong Kong and a bonds editor. However, lunch hour was full of eye candies. At some point, I thought that The City has gone mad; it was full of hunks and studs in suits with briefcases. Usually, I do not go for lunch to the Starbucks due to my silly principle. Typically, I have my lunch with colleagues. However, today was an exception. I was ready to kill someone for a cup of coffee and rushed into the one. My jaw went below my neck when I saw Nick, my former colleague from the Untied States.
Several years ago, I was doing my internship at the local television news program in Baltimore, Maryland. There was this sexy beast called Nick and I was always curious whether he was a homo or not. Of course, then I was young and I never even talked with him. Nick was kind of a star there.
I got my Americano and was leaving when I heard someone yelling my last name (!), not even my first name. It was Nick and I freaked out. He came up to me and asked how I was. It was a bit shocking that he called me by last name. Here is a part of our dialogue.
- How are you? (Nick)
- I am fine, thank you. How do you know me? (Me)
- Sorry. I know your name but never figured out how to properly pronounce it. I am Nick. You worked at the [...] news in Baltimore, right? You used to go on air for the 10:00 p.m. news bulletin, right?
- Yes, sort of worked. I was doing my internship there. Oh, sorry, I am [...]. How do you do? And what brings you to London?
- I just needed some change of the scene and moved to London couple of years ago. Now working here and trying to tackle the global climate change [laughing]. What about you?
- Well, I came here last year to finish my Master's. How come we never talked in Baltimore?
- Remember that Black girl from the Human Resources?
- Yes, I do remember LaKeesha. So?
- She told me that you were going to get married somewhere in Eastern Europe. I kind of figured out you were straight. Are you?
- [Laughing] Actually, LaKeesha was right then. I thought I was straight but we never made it to the altar. It was in Latvia. I guess that pretty much answers your question.
- Man, you have not changed a bit. You still look sharp and chic, just as I remember you: suit and tie, handcuffs and polished shoes, maybe more fit.
- Thanks, Nick! I lost around 20 lbs. since then and try to keep in a fit shape. What about you? So, you gave up everything and left behind all those pretty ladies back in the States?
- As a matter of fact, none of those pretty lady fans excited me. I often wondered about you at work... Anyways, I am sure you are seeing someone...
- Actually, I am single and enjoying my youth in the Big Smoke...
We walked towards the Saint Helen's Church and had some lunch at the churchyard. Life is so interesting. After several years I ran into a person that I never had enough courage to talk to approached me. He turns out to be gay and single too. We exchanged phone numbers and had an interesting chat.
There were more hot City guys throughout the day. Well, I mean, they were everywhere. London has gone nuts...
In the evening I came to Kurt's place in South Kensington. He bought the necessary ingredients and we cooked Dymdama, one of my favorite dishes. It has onions, garlic, sweet peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, mint, fennel, parsley, lamb meat, cabbage, olives, black pepper and salt. The last time I cooked Dymdama was 191 days ago on the New Year's Eve. I rarely cook and only for special people on special occasions. It was so delicious. Kurt and I really enjoyed it along with some vodka and 'green' stuff. We watched Running with Scissors, The Departed and The Shortbus. Movies were hilarious. The latter one was about the sex outside the partnership and its uses.
As I am about to go to bed — a bit 'high' and drunk — I am thinking about the whole day. Having sex for breakfast, hot eye candies for lunch and again sex for dinner – not bad overall. By the way, taking a shower in a marble bathroom and listening to the Heart FM on the Bang & Olufsen stereo system is kind of cool and exciting, plus the great view of South Kensington.
Twinkie Tuesday to all,
~ζ
July 9, 2007 (Monday)
The first part of the day was occupied by a meeting with a recently appointed editor-in-chief from Hong Kong and a bonds editor. However, lunch hour was full of eye candies. At some point, I thought that The City has gone mad; it was full of hunks and studs in suits with briefcases. Usually, I do not go for lunch to the Starbucks due to my silly principle. Typically, I have my lunch with colleagues. However, today was an exception. I was ready to kill someone for a cup of coffee and rushed into the one. My jaw went below my neck when I saw Nick, my former colleague from the Untied States.
Several years ago, I was doing my internship at the local television news program in Baltimore, Maryland. There was this sexy beast called Nick and I was always curious whether he was a homo or not. Of course, then I was young and I never even talked with him. Nick was kind of a star there.
I got my Americano and was leaving when I heard someone yelling my last name (!), not even my first name. It was Nick and I freaked out. He came up to me and asked how I was. It was a bit shocking that he called me by last name. Here is a part of our dialogue.
- How are you? (Nick)
- I am fine, thank you. How do you know me? (Me)
- Sorry. I know your name but never figured out how to properly pronounce it. I am Nick. You worked at the [...] news in Baltimore, right? You used to go on air for the 10:00 p.m. news bulletin, right?
- Yes, sort of worked. I was doing my internship there. Oh, sorry, I am [...]. How do you do? And what brings you to London?
- I just needed some change of the scene and moved to London couple of years ago. Now working here and trying to tackle the global climate change [laughing]. What about you?
- Well, I came here last year to finish my Master's. How come we never talked in Baltimore?
- Remember that Black girl from the Human Resources?
- Yes, I do remember LaKeesha. So?
- She told me that you were going to get married somewhere in Eastern Europe. I kind of figured out you were straight. Are you?
- [Laughing] Actually, LaKeesha was right then. I thought I was straight but we never made it to the altar. It was in Latvia. I guess that pretty much answers your question.
- Man, you have not changed a bit. You still look sharp and chic, just as I remember you: suit and tie, handcuffs and polished shoes, maybe more fit.
- Thanks, Nick! I lost around 20 lbs. since then and try to keep in a fit shape. What about you? So, you gave up everything and left behind all those pretty ladies back in the States?
- As a matter of fact, none of those pretty lady fans excited me. I often wondered about you at work... Anyways, I am sure you are seeing someone...
- Actually, I am single and enjoying my youth in the Big Smoke...
We walked towards the Saint Helen's Church and had some lunch at the churchyard. Life is so interesting. After several years I ran into a person that I never had enough courage to talk to approached me. He turns out to be gay and single too. We exchanged phone numbers and had an interesting chat.
There were more hot City guys throughout the day. Well, I mean, they were everywhere. London has gone nuts...
In the evening I came to Kurt's place in South Kensington. He bought the necessary ingredients and we cooked Dymdama, one of my favorite dishes. It has onions, garlic, sweet peppers, potatoes, tomatoes, carrots, mint, fennel, parsley, lamb meat, cabbage, olives, black pepper and salt. The last time I cooked Dymdama was 191 days ago on the New Year's Eve. I rarely cook and only for special people on special occasions. It was so delicious. Kurt and I really enjoyed it along with some vodka and 'green' stuff. We watched Running with Scissors, The Departed and The Shortbus. Movies were hilarious. The latter one was about the sex outside the partnership and its uses.
As I am about to go to bed — a bit 'high' and drunk — I am thinking about the whole day. Having sex for breakfast, hot eye candies for lunch and again sex for dinner – not bad overall. By the way, taking a shower in a marble bathroom and listening to the Heart FM on the Bang & Olufsen stereo system is kind of cool and exciting, plus the great view of South Kensington.
Twinkie Tuesday to all,
~ζ
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Week Full of Good Happenings
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 8, 2007 (Sunday)
War and Conflict Journalism: Alan Johnston is Free!
(Source: http://www.news.com.au)
Alan Johnston, BBC's Gaza Correspondent, was released from the captivity after 114 days. I was touched and crying when I saw a fellow colleague walking out as a free man. It made me think about Will, my close friend, who is a war and conflict journalist. My father is a journalist as well and had reported from Afghanistan and Chechnya. I do admire war and conflict correspondents for their bravery. Alan, I am very happy for you and am proud of your work you do for Palestinians. By the way, I am pro-Palestine but do not support violence in any form.
Sochi – 2014
(Source: http://sochi2014.com)
Vladimir Putin, Russian President, was present in Guatemala City when Sochi, a resort town in southern Russia, was announced as a host of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games. We had a saying in the former Soviet Union that every civilized [Soviet] person should at least once in their life visit Sochi and Crimea. It will be the first time Russia hosting the Olympic Games. Prior to Sochi, former Soviet Union hosted the 1980 Summer Olympic Games in Moscow, which was boycotted by many western nations. However, then it was a Soviet capital rather than Russian. Well done, Sochi!
Le Tour de France – 2007
(Source: http://www.dxradio.cz)
Le Grand Départ of Le Tour de France was in the British capital. Trafalgar Square was packed with thousands of spectators on Friday during the opening of the Tour de France cycling race. It was amazing to be there and see it happening live rather than sitting at home and watching it on television. There were tons of tourists. Someone approached me during Le Grand Départ and told me, "I am sorry to disturb you but I have to tell you that you made my day. You have the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my entire life." I did not know what to say and it was so unexpected, especially in that massive crowd. The stranger was tall, around 27-30 years old, gorgeous-looking, had green eyes, handsome smile, blond hair and a Nordic accent. For some time I was completely lost and after a while I simply thanked him. However, it was really nice to hear those words and, in a way, he made my day too, apart from Le Tour de France. Later on, I was walking with the stranger, dining in the South bank and enjoying London’s view from the roof at the Trafalgar...
The race continued for the next two days. I felt privileged to see one of the world’s premier cycling competition with my own eyes. I was lucky to see it live on Saturday as well on the Embankment along the Thames. Viva, Le Tour de France!
François Engineer and Nippon Psychologist / Musician
Victor, my good French friend from Paris was in London during the weekend. He is a transport engineer and was responsible for the road maintenance of Le Tour de France. We meet up and had a lovely brunch at the Belgian restaurant. Later, Takashi, a 19-year-old promising Japanese musician and a psychologist by training from Tokyo, joined us. What a coincidence it was. Takashi appears to be friends with both Victor and I. Takashi and I have met before at the G-A-Y~late and we have been in touch on the personals website. Here is what I wrote about Takashi on June 10, 2007:
"Later in the night I was mesmerized by the model-like Japanese lad from Tokyo. He was a recent psychology graduate and a Londoner for the last three years. We found some similarities between us. We both like Yutaka Ozaki's music and have a high respect for Kato Tokika's talent. Fortuitously, I took Japanese courses for a month two years ago, learned a famous song and still could say few things in it. This young chap was so handsome, innocent dreamer and a kind charmer. I had an ass-tacular time and was glad to be out enjoying my youth."
We had a wonderful time and I was delighted to see my old and new friends. P.S.: Someone got jealous...
July 7th: 7/7 London Attacks, Live Earth Concert and Russian Porn Stars
July 7th is a special date for Londoners. It was the day when dozens were killed during the terrorist attacks couple of years ago and was a day of the Live Earth concert this year. This event was organized by Albert Gore, former American Vice President. Madonna, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Police and other A-list celebrities performed at the concert. Other Live Earth events took place in Sydney, Tokyo and Washington DC. The aim of the concert was to raise the awareness of the global climate change. However, it irritates me when I see office blocks in The City leaving all lights on while we are being told to conserve the energy.
I started believing in the global climate change. It is July and the temperature in London is between +15°C and +20°C with constant rains and flooding. At the same time, people in Bulgaria, Greece, Italy and Turkey are dying from the heat. Glaciers in Central Asia are melting and the Aral Sea has lost 65% of its waters. Maybe it really is the time for all of us to think how we use natural resources and energy if we do not want to see penguins flying...
Johan, Kyle and I met up on Saturday for coffee, drinks and some fun. After a nice dinner and coffee we made our way to the Profile Bar. That place is really a special place where people send text messages, which later appear on big displays, to guys or gals they like. Well, I will not go into details what exactly happened at the Profile Bar but rather move on to the Ku Bar in China Town.
Surprisingly, Ku Bar was full of Russians, Eastern Europeans and Central Asians. I bumped into my former Estonian shag mate there. It was another coincidence of the week. I recognized some faces there: few BelAmi actors from the Czech Republic, Poland, Russia and Slovakia. Apparently, it was the place where London's ex-Commie gay community meets, including adult movie actors and civil rights activists. Frankly, it is so nice to be a single in London where you get all these enticing looks, cute guys' numbers and much more...
Academic Growth and Awareness Rise
Two journals approached me this week with a proposition to publish my academic works in their publications in the United States and Canada. Later, five other scientific journals from Australia, New Zealand, India, Brazil and the United Kingdom made a formal offer. However, it is not easy and fast since there are a lot of issues concerning the national copyright laws, localization of the context and honorarium payments. It does not only depend on me. The works should be first reviewed by other scientists, editor, designer and a lawyer who ensures all legal aspects for the print. Nevertheless, finally, my name is becoming recognizable in academic circles.
Careless Sunday
I was woken up by my close friend's text message. Tomorrow I have an important meeting with an editor-in-chief and bonds editor. Therefore, I have been going over my old notes on bonds, stocks and shares, and doing some reading of financial papers. There are two kinds of bonds: government and corporate. Anyway, I will not bore you with my finance and business journalism...
Later, watched some episodes of Friends and went to the church. I prayed for my family, my country, my friends, for those in need and myself. After I got home, I cooked my trademark pasta with my special sauce. I have two secret ingredients that I add to an ordinary sauce to make is an extraordinary one. Cooking is a whole creative process for me, if I am in the right mood for it. It was so delicious and I will have it for breakfast too before heading to the office.
I am so thankful that I am in this great city and enjoying every bit of it. It is so awesome to be young, single and knowing that my life is ahead of me with full of opportunities. Under other circumstances, I could have been somewhere else doing different things. What I know well is that I am living in the present and loving it despite it is not all sugary and sweet.
Sayonara,
~ζ
July 8, 2007 (Sunday)
War and Conflict Journalism: Alan Johnston is Free!
(Source: http://www.news.com.au)Alan Johnston, BBC's Gaza Correspondent, was released from the captivity after 114 days. I was touched and crying when I saw a fellow colleague walking out as a free man. It made me think about Will, my close friend, who is a war and conflict journalist. My father is a journalist as well and had reported from Afghanistan and Chechnya. I do admire war and conflict correspondents for their bravery. Alan, I am very happy for you and am proud of your work you do for Palestinians. By the way, I am pro-Palestine but do not support violence in any form.
Sochi – 2014
(Source: http://sochi2014.com)Vladimir Putin, Russian President, was present in Guatemala City when Sochi, a resort town in southern Russia, was announced as a host of the 2014 Winter Olympic Games. We had a saying in the former Soviet Union that every civilized [Soviet] person should at least once in their life visit Sochi and Crimea. It will be the first time Russia hosting the Olympic Games. Prior to Sochi, former Soviet Union hosted the 1980 Summer Olympic Games in Moscow, which was boycotted by many western nations. However, then it was a Soviet capital rather than Russian. Well done, Sochi!
Le Tour de France – 2007
(Source: http://www.dxradio.cz)
Le Grand Départ of Le Tour de France was in the British capital. Trafalgar Square was packed with thousands of spectators on Friday during the opening of the Tour de France cycling race. It was amazing to be there and see it happening live rather than sitting at home and watching it on television. There were tons of tourists. Someone approached me during Le Grand Départ and told me, "I am sorry to disturb you but I have to tell you that you made my day. You have the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my entire life." I did not know what to say and it was so unexpected, especially in that massive crowd. The stranger was tall, around 27-30 years old, gorgeous-looking, had green eyes, handsome smile, blond hair and a Nordic accent. For some time I was completely lost and after a while I simply thanked him. However, it was really nice to hear those words and, in a way, he made my day too, apart from Le Tour de France. Later on, I was walking with the stranger, dining in the South bank and enjoying London’s view from the roof at the Trafalgar...
The race continued for the next two days. I felt privileged to see one of the world’s premier cycling competition with my own eyes. I was lucky to see it live on Saturday as well on the Embankment along the Thames. Viva, Le Tour de France!
François Engineer and Nippon Psychologist / Musician
Victor, my good French friend from Paris was in London during the weekend. He is a transport engineer and was responsible for the road maintenance of Le Tour de France. We meet up and had a lovely brunch at the Belgian restaurant. Later, Takashi, a 19-year-old promising Japanese musician and a psychologist by training from Tokyo, joined us. What a coincidence it was. Takashi appears to be friends with both Victor and I. Takashi and I have met before at the G-A-Y~late and we have been in touch on the personals website. Here is what I wrote about Takashi on June 10, 2007:
"Later in the night I was mesmerized by the model-like Japanese lad from Tokyo. He was a recent psychology graduate and a Londoner for the last three years. We found some similarities between us. We both like Yutaka Ozaki's music and have a high respect for Kato Tokika's talent. Fortuitously, I took Japanese courses for a month two years ago, learned a famous song and still could say few things in it. This young chap was so handsome, innocent dreamer and a kind charmer. I had an ass-tacular time and was glad to be out enjoying my youth."
We had a wonderful time and I was delighted to see my old and new friends. P.S.: Someone got jealous...
July 7th: 7/7 London Attacks, Live Earth Concert and Russian Porn Stars
July 7th is a special date for Londoners. It was the day when dozens were killed during the terrorist attacks couple of years ago and was a day of the Live Earth concert this year. This event was organized by Albert Gore, former American Vice President. Madonna, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Police and other A-list celebrities performed at the concert. Other Live Earth events took place in Sydney, Tokyo and Washington DC. The aim of the concert was to raise the awareness of the global climate change. However, it irritates me when I see office blocks in The City leaving all lights on while we are being told to conserve the energy.
I started believing in the global climate change. It is July and the temperature in London is between +15°C and +20°C with constant rains and flooding. At the same time, people in Bulgaria, Greece, Italy and Turkey are dying from the heat. Glaciers in Central Asia are melting and the Aral Sea has lost 65% of its waters. Maybe it really is the time for all of us to think how we use natural resources and energy if we do not want to see penguins flying...
Johan, Kyle and I met up on Saturday for coffee, drinks and some fun. After a nice dinner and coffee we made our way to the Profile Bar. That place is really a special place where people send text messages, which later appear on big displays, to guys or gals they like. Well, I will not go into details what exactly happened at the Profile Bar but rather move on to the Ku Bar in China Town.
Surprisingly, Ku Bar was full of Russians, Eastern Europeans and Central Asians. I bumped into my former Estonian shag mate there. It was another coincidence of the week. I recognized some faces there: few BelAmi actors from the Czech Republic, Poland, Russia and Slovakia. Apparently, it was the place where London's ex-Commie gay community meets, including adult movie actors and civil rights activists. Frankly, it is so nice to be a single in London where you get all these enticing looks, cute guys' numbers and much more...
Academic Growth and Awareness Rise
Two journals approached me this week with a proposition to publish my academic works in their publications in the United States and Canada. Later, five other scientific journals from Australia, New Zealand, India, Brazil and the United Kingdom made a formal offer. However, it is not easy and fast since there are a lot of issues concerning the national copyright laws, localization of the context and honorarium payments. It does not only depend on me. The works should be first reviewed by other scientists, editor, designer and a lawyer who ensures all legal aspects for the print. Nevertheless, finally, my name is becoming recognizable in academic circles.
Careless Sunday
I was woken up by my close friend's text message. Tomorrow I have an important meeting with an editor-in-chief and bonds editor. Therefore, I have been going over my old notes on bonds, stocks and shares, and doing some reading of financial papers. There are two kinds of bonds: government and corporate. Anyway, I will not bore you with my finance and business journalism...
Later, watched some episodes of Friends and went to the church. I prayed for my family, my country, my friends, for those in need and myself. After I got home, I cooked my trademark pasta with my special sauce. I have two secret ingredients that I add to an ordinary sauce to make is an extraordinary one. Cooking is a whole creative process for me, if I am in the right mood for it. It was so delicious and I will have it for breakfast too before heading to the office.
I am so thankful that I am in this great city and enjoying every bit of it. It is so awesome to be young, single and knowing that my life is ahead of me with full of opportunities. Under other circumstances, I could have been somewhere else doing different things. What I know well is that I am living in the present and loving it despite it is not all sugary and sweet.
Sayonara,
~ζ
Sunday, July 01, 2007
London Pride, 12-Hour Nonstop Dance Rave and Palestine Talks
LONDON, United Kingdom
July 1, 2007 (Sunday)
(Source: http://www.londonfriend.org.uk)
"Damn!" is the word I can describe the past two days. The London Pride took place yesterday with about 60,000 participants. Speakers included Ken Livingston, London's Mayor, John Barrowman, famous actor, and some A-list celebrities. Trafalgar Square, Soho and Oxford Street were packed with 'proud and loud' homosexuals.
In the evening the craziness began... My friend and I went to Brick Lane in East London. The area is somewhat like Camden Town but with more creative people and beautiful residents. I realized that Soho is so tourist-oriented while hot gays and lesbians chill out in Brick Lane. We went to a 12-hour nonstop dance rave at one of the unconventional clubs there. All of a sudden, we found ourselves in the middle of a Zulu ritual. It was amazing. It was the place where stressed City people come and relax; so did we. House, techno, electro and acid music was playing and we were getting unwind.
At some point we were wasted when a Brazilian guy introduced me to Alfredo, his Portuguese gay friend. What can I say...? I hated tequila but I liked his company. I have few recollections of the whole night but later I have been told that we were going crazy. There were two girls as well who were next to us. Anyway, as we were dancing two guys approached us: Jacque, the French, and Hans, the Swede. I knew that they were gay and I asked the one who was from Stockholm in my broken Swedish, "Er du bøsse killär?" The answer was positive – yes, he was a queer – "Ja, jag är bøsse." More madness began. Well, I will not describe in details but I can tell this. I was wearing my old ripped jeans and Charlie's hand, out of the blue, was in the whole and grabbing my butt while he was holding me. It was a loco casa...
Those two girls that were next to us followed us and started to make a move. Damn... I told that I am not interested in women and it has nothing to do with them. Anyway, there were Brazilians, French, Germans, Portuguese and Swedes in the 12-hour nonstop rave. Big city – big choice... Honestly, London is the best place to be a single guy. The rest will remain between the participants of that crazy night. I have no idea how I got home but what I remember is that I had a blast and enjoyed every single second of it.
Today I met up with Will, my very good friend who just returned from Africa, and Parvati, his girlfriend. Guess what? We went to Brick Lane... There was an interesting place that reminded me Afghanistan. In fact, it was Casa Blue, Afghani diner, with handcrafted carpets portraying Soviet invasion to Afghanistan in 1979. The whole setting was sending a clear message about the scars of that war. It felt very weird but food was excellent.
It is the first day of the smoking ban in England and I had to smoke outside. We made a move towards the Spitafields Market and were enjoying our pints next the Church of England out fresco. I was still exhausted from yesterday's 12-hour nonstop rave. When it got chilly, we went to the Ten Bells bar, where we met Lana, Irish film director and Dan, English cinematographer. Dan and I were talking about his new film and Palestine. People started confessing once we got drunk, again... Lana asked me if I am interested in Dan. I was like "What?!" In fact, we already exchanged numbers so we can talk more about the Middle East. Actually, Dan had very charming eyes.
I am back home and wishing that the weekend would never end. It started raining and I am getting ready for tomorrow. Damn! What a weekend...
Productive start of the week,
~ζ
July 1, 2007 (Sunday)
(Source: http://www.londonfriend.org.uk)
"Damn!" is the word I can describe the past two days. The London Pride took place yesterday with about 60,000 participants. Speakers included Ken Livingston, London's Mayor, John Barrowman, famous actor, and some A-list celebrities. Trafalgar Square, Soho and Oxford Street were packed with 'proud and loud' homosexuals.
In the evening the craziness began... My friend and I went to Brick Lane in East London. The area is somewhat like Camden Town but with more creative people and beautiful residents. I realized that Soho is so tourist-oriented while hot gays and lesbians chill out in Brick Lane. We went to a 12-hour nonstop dance rave at one of the unconventional clubs there. All of a sudden, we found ourselves in the middle of a Zulu ritual. It was amazing. It was the place where stressed City people come and relax; so did we. House, techno, electro and acid music was playing and we were getting unwind.
At some point we were wasted when a Brazilian guy introduced me to Alfredo, his Portuguese gay friend. What can I say...? I hated tequila but I liked his company. I have few recollections of the whole night but later I have been told that we were going crazy. There were two girls as well who were next to us. Anyway, as we were dancing two guys approached us: Jacque, the French, and Hans, the Swede. I knew that they were gay and I asked the one who was from Stockholm in my broken Swedish, "Er du bøsse killär?" The answer was positive – yes, he was a queer – "Ja, jag är bøsse." More madness began. Well, I will not describe in details but I can tell this. I was wearing my old ripped jeans and Charlie's hand, out of the blue, was in the whole and grabbing my butt while he was holding me. It was a loco casa...
Those two girls that were next to us followed us and started to make a move. Damn... I told that I am not interested in women and it has nothing to do with them. Anyway, there were Brazilians, French, Germans, Portuguese and Swedes in the 12-hour nonstop rave. Big city – big choice... Honestly, London is the best place to be a single guy. The rest will remain between the participants of that crazy night. I have no idea how I got home but what I remember is that I had a blast and enjoyed every single second of it.
Today I met up with Will, my very good friend who just returned from Africa, and Parvati, his girlfriend. Guess what? We went to Brick Lane... There was an interesting place that reminded me Afghanistan. In fact, it was Casa Blue, Afghani diner, with handcrafted carpets portraying Soviet invasion to Afghanistan in 1979. The whole setting was sending a clear message about the scars of that war. It felt very weird but food was excellent.
It is the first day of the smoking ban in England and I had to smoke outside. We made a move towards the Spitafields Market and were enjoying our pints next the Church of England out fresco. I was still exhausted from yesterday's 12-hour nonstop rave. When it got chilly, we went to the Ten Bells bar, where we met Lana, Irish film director and Dan, English cinematographer. Dan and I were talking about his new film and Palestine. People started confessing once we got drunk, again... Lana asked me if I am interested in Dan. I was like "What?!" In fact, we already exchanged numbers so we can talk more about the Middle East. Actually, Dan had very charming eyes.
I am back home and wishing that the weekend would never end. It started raining and I am getting ready for tomorrow. Damn! What a weekend...
Productive start of the week,
~ζ
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